It came in unwanted;
pompous, covertly -
humored by current conditions
dragging its heels
in a vacant and
lonely room.
In a list
A contest entry
- write in colour by Lavender Butterfly.
450 points, ended February 20, 19 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 34 of 34
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"FIT FOR A KING"
I didn't know that there was a QUEEN online and she writes poetry, its a rare jewel if I may say so.
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Word choice so effective.....imagery outstanding, write fantastic! Congratualtions on your silver!
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thank you!
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Darkness is sometimes unwanted, but there are those that can love it. The color black is one of my favorites, not only because it helps me feel like I can hide, but because within that darkness, all that I am can be expressed freely.
Good write! You should have won the gold, in my opinion.
Vhoori
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I feel the same. i write my best when i'm in a black mood, and thus my creativity seems to exert itself even moreso. yet, i find that when I'm there too long, i begin to ache with desperation.
Thanks for the awesome comment.
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A much deserved silver I would say for the some of the things that come in the form of the color black are not always to be venerated as you so well stated.
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I like how you've described black.There's something elegant,beautiful and sensual about black.I absolutely love your poem.
~September daydreams~
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Bravo my friend, love your creativity!
Congrates on the silver, much love!
-Timothy
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You did well...
Quality over quantity... I enjoyed this write.
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Liked the imagery and I really enjoy the word choice. Well done,
~Betrayals -
i like the contrast created by pompous versus covertly and dragging its heels. a lot packed into just a few lines - very good.
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It packs a punch for sure! Vivid, vivid, vivid! Thank you for sharing, and thank you for your suggestions on my poem :-).
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Outstanding Imagery, enjoyed the read
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nice piece keep it up i like it.
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Great imagery my friend! great job
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good job
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Good
I enjoyed the brevity of this poem, however could I suggest that the word "unlit" is, perhaps, surplus to this poem?
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don't understand by your reference to unlit being a surplus? Can you explain?
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Yes indeed.
I feel the poem works well precisly because of its spare/mimimal content, in particular "Black" as a powerful entity all of its own. the implied menace and threat of "uninvited" / "pompous"etc, seems somehow diminished by the room being "unlit", ie already dark/black? thus reducing the impact of Black entering it . . . .? What do you think. -
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I get it...you are right! i removed the word unlit, I didn't get what you were trying to tell me at first...now I do thnak you.
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"pompous, covertly...
Such a contradiction where both ends
fuse into one entity~black.
lonely must be the ending, it is the
atmosphere of black, the very air it
inhales and expels back...
You deserve the shiny. Blue
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Poet
I see my own version of this. Like a newborn child, unwanted and unclaimed. Do I have a clue?
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ah black, i always think of a comedy sketch show when i see the word now called 'the fast show' where there is this artist who is really pleasant but whenever he hears the word 'black' he goes off into one, screaming with insanity with black black feed me pins and ink and put me in a cupboard, his poor wife in the scenes has a terrible time trying to calm him down - a good poem.
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Distilled Spirits
Vivid...
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Well deserved silver. That despair spills in like India ink and stains you down to the bone. Then, it takes on its own weight and you must carry it around with you until you pray for magic waters to wash you clean.
This is excellent.
Garrison
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Oh this is some brilliant work you have penned.
Wonderfully deep in splendid colour and taste.
It gives me so many images, well done poet.
Be blessed in all you do.
Tony
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this,
is the perfect length and is perfect in itself.
wow.
amazing!
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Powerful and effective; well done.
mj.
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Very thoughtful and great description about the color 'black. Congrats on winning silver for this great write.
Keep writing.
Love and regards
Kiddy -
descriptively intense... x
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Great imagery. Are describing a blackout? Because that's exactly what it felt like to me when I passed out.
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the black mood of depression.
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hmmm yes, so many many dimensions to this, the color of a people, an attitude, a culture..and a cause... Amen to this...PK
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What a very vivid and haunting write in such sparse word use, wishing you the best for the contest - though I think you should do well. I could feel the darkness closing around me as I read.
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