Flicker.
Flutter.
Faint.
Awareness isn't worth it.
Denial.
Sip it, smoke it, slice it.
Trade away dismal consciousness
for regrets that taste of sunshine
for hours before doubt set in
and bile would rises in the back of your throat.
Slip it, knot it, pull it.
Blink back tears of irony
as bruises rise and heart rates fall.
/When did you realize this wasn't worth it?/
Back track, question, regret.
Swallow medication,
drink water,
hold on.
Remember, forgive, love.
'You are worth it'
'Am I?'
'Yes.'
Pace, reiterate, breathe.
'what are you?'
'whole'
A contest entry
- Addictions by LOVELYmurder.
600 points, ended March 24, 41 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything! [Prewrites Allowed] by Captain Amber SL.
700 points, ended April 26, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Be courteous. I realize this isn't as nice as I'd like it to be.
Comments
-
This is a beautiful poem, it is short but powerful, and triggers a lot of imagery in the reader's mind. I like the use of short sentences, and the grouping together of three words, it made for a good structure in the poem.
"Trade away dismal consciousness
for regrets that taste of sunshine
for hours before doubt set in
and bile would rises in the back of your throat."
Towards the end of this stanza, the wording seems a little awkward to me. Maybe you could rewrite it slightly, as such:
"Trade away dismal consciousness
for regrets, that taste of sunshine
for hours before doubt sets in.
Bile rises in the back of your throat."
This is possibly the only part of the poem I would change. As I said before, it is a short but amazing poem, almost as if the reader is listening to a conversation going on in the mind of a recovering drug addict. A good theme for the poem, and you have written it well.
I wish you the best of luck, and keep writing and improving your poetry. ^__^
Aeris Silverlight
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I thought it was beautiful anyways. It was very simple, but the ending was what really made it... you could feel the hope at the end, with just one word. Great job, and good luck.
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One word: wow! This is great, I love the style of the poem. I like how it's kind of like a conversation between an addict and a loved one. The descriptions are amazing! The beginning really caught my eye, I like how it entices the reader. Great job and good luck in the contest!
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