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Further Adventures in Quantum Poetics.







it was unsaid, walking into the cave

pale, skinny chest puffed out, regulated.

not here not here in the rat's lair the sound

of dripping water upon ear, Antigone's

dried bones rattling in the dark. A quorum,

sharp teeth sunk in wet loins while the shadows\

look on, an aperitif of flesh, lustrous

in gloom. Those skulls were heroes once, maidens

with soft breasts, old men with bent canes, crones. Chill

between slick thighs will be licked off, back pressed

against wall knees high, rain is only a note

in the song; brittle limbs broken in time

the incessant drip the sun that neither

rises nor falls in eyes that are not here.

In a list

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 6 of 6

  • just mercedes gold member
    February 22
    Edit | Reply
    I paused on your title, to let the rich flow of associations work. Then felt like a hero in an epic quest, following your words into the cave.

    Beautiful poem, with the sad acceptance of mortality that the sight of human bones evokes. Loved in particular 'rain is only a note

    in the song' but the poem has an organic unity that is stunning.


  • Don Michael gold member
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    Your use of punctuation to create flow works wonderfully.
    I read this as a story of love for myths and legends,
    and how people aspire for the greatness often attributed
    to the stories of past heroes. I also get a feeling
    of how we hold our memories; they're what we make of them
    in a way. The imagery is quite a view to behold in its
    own.
    Is the backslash on purpose after shadows?
    Thank you for entering this.

    Off topic: Sophocles' Antigone is what inspired me to
    write and love literature.


  • cvillelisa
    February 20

    Edit | Reply


    It's lonely. A little sad. A sonnet? Sung into the vacuum winds of the waste land.


    empty maybe despite all the presence. how'd you do that?


    Good luck in the contest. I don't know if I've mentioned it lately but, you're my favorite poet to read.

    So that means you should keep on writing.



    Your friend,
    Lisa


  • IronIcecream
    February 20

    Edit | Reply

    you can lay down metaphors
    on the noun walls of atlantis
    or step back further,
    scribble abstract portraits
    on melted wax from the candles of mu;
    the skulls would whisper of future,
    the limbs of dust --
    sight would be presence, a chord
    yourself, a navel attached to it.



  • ca ne fait rien
    February 20
    Edit | Reply
    It sounds like one of our committee meetings


  • Cannonsfire
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    I enjoy how you can tiptoe our minds through a passage of time and of life, so rich in it's metaphor yet simply laid out. So true how the ancient is still a circle that never ends, the faces change but the evidence remains the same C

1 - 6 of 6