Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Another Friday at the Park

They're here, that couple who's here every Friday night.
They sit down on me and start to talk for a bit
She giggles as he whispers in her ear and kisses her neck.
I soon feel her shifting off me and onto him.
Bouncing on him and moaning,
I never understand why she does this.
Things start getting painful
when he starts bouncing her.
*SNAP!* Damn it, that's the third time
they've broken a bar on my seat.
Why do they have to be so rough on me?

Author notes

It's the best I could do.

Be honest and tell me what you think.

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 9 of 9

  • Tattboyspet
    March 1, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Another Friday at the Park - Norea
    spelling/grammar/punctuation
    The first line threw me - the use of the word 'who's' ... it should've been ' that couple who are here ...'
    presentation/creativity
    The humour was a pleasant touch


  • Master Ktulu silver member
    March 1, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    This definately has the humor to keep ones attention, however, I feel that the eroticy is lost in all of that.
    I applaud that you at least tried, and I am sure you will bring the heat next round.

    **Master Ktulu**


  • Sylvyrwyng gold member
    February 28, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Great take on the prompt and well balanced with humor as well. It could use some more heat in it but then this did bring a smile to my face. Good story line and excellent imagery.

    Your score will be sent to the challenge host.


  • Corvus Corone
    February 28, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    An excellent story with nice touches of humour. Whilst your piece may seem to lack 'poetic finesse' that is exactly what grabs me about it. It has a conversational quality to it, like you are sat telling me the story rather than my eyes are reading it.

    Well done

    Jem

    Your score has been sent to the challenge host.


  • tanzanite
    February 27, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    This was pretty creative and fun to read as well. Great take on this prompt. I thought it was good work.


  • atomicmagoo
    February 27, 2009
    Edit | Reply
    Heh heh heh... oh the perils of public furniture...


  • BluesMan gold member
    February 24, 2009
    Edit | Reply

    Well if your a park bench in pain, at least it's giving birth to pleasure. Heheh Nice take on the prompt


  • nichtmich silver member
    February 23, 2009

    Edit | Reply
    Pretty creative POV here! Poor innocent little park bench, tortured and maimed like that Kudos to you.


  • SubKitten
    February 20, 2009

    Edit | Reply

    Very nice

    i love the way you did this piece. It was creative and fun, and got the idea across really well. ^_^

1 - 9 of 9