Salad bowls of tossed identity,
conundrums of crushed conscience
segregating confusion from pain,
straining mind’s eye to visualize
a distant shore of past pantheons,
clouded by aspects of recollection,
strangely, always feeling at peace
by the shores of the sea.
Like the ocean meets the sky,
here hope meets forgetfulness,
layering pastel blue serenity,
a calming flood, an easing breath;
the sun’s all-seeing eye stares,
not an orb of vigilant menace
but as a friend’s warming hand
upon a tensed shoulder.
Nature paints its magnificence,
as the canvas glows hues of scarlet
a fire enters the pounding heart,
the sharpest inhalation of surprise
brings with it a curious revelation:
All defeated yesterdays can stand
resurrected as a new future’s hope,
as surely as the sun rises.
Author notes
For Picture Prompt No.1:
http://littlemewhatever.deviantart.com/art/These-Memories-80517832
My AP Address:
http://allpoetry.com/Glasyalabolas
A contest entry
- the catharsis rounds; round one. [photos.] by aanika.
3588 points, ended March 19, 30 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
-
Emotion: 10/20
[it was very very wordy, so I wasn't getting much emotion out of this.]
Spelling and Grammar: 10/10
Effectiveness of Title, Beginning and Ending: 8/10
Personal Opinion: 8/10
Creativity/Originality: 10/10
Relevance to Picture/Rules: 10/10
Imagery/Metaphor/Poetic Devices: 10/10
Structure: 3.5/5
[I personally didn't like the form this was in, I would've maybe liked this better in vignettes.
The lines just seem too long and too wordy, so breaking it up would've been better.]
(I also didn't like brackets.)
Diction: 5/5
Line-breaking/Flow: 3/5
Impact: 4/5
total: 81.5/100 -
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Many thanks for hosting the contest and taking the time to critique and comment.
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