Papers strewn across the floor
trash piling up in the car
life in and out of chaos
and then gone without a trace
Turning away from sworn duties
and infinite possibilities
I step into the light
of the unknown
and try to turn on
the light switch of confidence
My passion reeks of approval
a heavenly scent of nothingness
that has yet to be touched
and then it fades
into the blackness
Where has my faith and dedication gone?
Somewhere lost in space
I guess
among stars
and countless hidden and far away galaxies
I find them intriguing.
My mind rages with curiosity.
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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It is not a bad poem. Relating day-to-day to the stars and galaxies is a good concept. Though the meaning is simple, the words that convey it are more complex.
Obviously it is easy to say, "My passion burns but eventually fades." Instead, saying "A star of passion burns in me: it would explode and eventually, it would shrink." makes it a bit more complex. I applaud you on some of your comparisons.
Rarely am I impressed by first POVs and yours did not strike me as amazing due to it, but it was not poorly handled.
Off that note, if your faith and dedication have floated beyond the most distant nebulae, then you have a long swim ahead of you to find it again. -
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Thank you for your kind words.
This really helps me put my poem into perspective. ^_^ I am trying to make my poetry more complex and more objective.
On your last note, I do agree with you--I love how you put it (having a long swim ahead of you). Very profound indeed.
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facing the present
,pondering the world and life,your thought moves from "the floor" to "stars
",this poem embodies your soul.well done. -
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Thank you so much. Your comments really mean the world to me. I never really thought of my poem in that sense, so that's cool. I really appreciate it. A very insightful comment.
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