Stronger, stronger still
powerful hilt
of willpower and focus.
A knight charges
bravely into battle
no regrets.
The moon shines on
an old scar
crescent-shaped like
the new moon
"A battle long ago
and I have no regrets."
Early phases shine down
and he smiles in pride.
"No regrets....no regrets."
Please tell me what you think
Comments
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I like the repetition, although it seems to add a sense of denial in the last line (while the rest of the poem seems sincere.)
In the second stanza I'd add a word or some punctuation after the second line, maybe a colon/semicolon or the word with (just for clarity's sake.)
Simple but strong poem, and not too wordy (but still descriptive.) -
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Thank you for your critique! This really helps.
I agree with you on the punctuation and I am glad you pointed out the sense of denial in my poem, especially since I didn't notice that before.
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I'll read all poems by you:)
this detail was accurately delineated by you:
The moon shines on
an old scar
crescent-shaped like
the new moon
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Thank you for your kindness and generosity. I am glad you enjoy my poems. It really means the world to me.
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