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Lonliness

Lonliness pervades me
pulling me down
Its becoming hard to escape
I fear I may drown.
My tears are flowing
And Im afraid to even try
My arms feel heavy
But Im itching to fly.
I just want happiness
And to be loved
I get on my knees
And beg the Goddess above.
Please dont leave me
I cant stand feeling this way
I just want this pain to end
And its hard as hell to stay.
But I will because I love you
And want you by my side
So please dont shut me out
And please dont hide.

A contest entry

What was the first thing you thougt of when you read this..

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 8 of 8

  • LovelyLauren
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    I certainly agree with heroesrox on his comment about breaking this up a bit, but other than that it is just wonderful, and I really enjoyed reading it. Thanks for entering my contest.

    Lauren


  • Heroesrox
    March 18

    Edit | Reply
    Wow! I really like this one! Have you thought about spacing it? It would be nifty if you could break it up into stanzas! Awesome job, though!


  • The.poet.of.hearts
    February 25

    Edit | Reply

    so loving and caring!
    by
    the poet of hearts and beautiful words


  • Swangrnv gold member
    February 25

    Edit | Reply

    so much pain..

    in your words..this is a very heartbreaking piece for me because i've felt this way before and the only thing i can tell you is that, just when you think you'll never be happy..a new love will sweep in from nowhere and be there to erase the pain away..


  • Spiritual Soul gold member
    February 24

    Edit | Reply
    This is so beautiful, yet so sad. You expressed your emotions so clearly in this piece I could feel it. Wonderful write.
    Blessings,
    ~Michaela~


  • untouched pages
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    Ok i loved this write.. but hated the background with the writing color.. Its so hard to read.... ok now on to better stuff..

    I just want this pain to end
    And its hard as hell to stay.
    But I will because I love you
    And want you by my side
    So please dont shut me out
    And please dont hide.

    these lines right here speak alot about you as a poet. it has great imagery and wonderful emotion.. great job on the penning poet!!


  • couldbeworse
    February 22

    Edit | Reply
    fav part:
    But I will because I love you
    And want you by my side
    So please dont shut me out
    And please dont hide.

    great write. sad but well done.


  • Ravyn Stormcrow
    February 19

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written, but painful and sad. One can really feel your emotions here. Blessed be and continue, your poems are phenominal.

1 - 8 of 8