love's lusty lies
heart beats rush
fools fall again
tears once more
and we are alone
mood swings misery
each forgotten word unspoken
beautiful chaos reigns
when two become dead inside
what is in our minds
as eyes meet eyes
yet we are blind
to a passionless core
asking fulfillment for a moment
no lifetimes
here
love to us
is the revolving door
Author notes
1) dOnT MoLEsT yOuR ShIfT KeY!!!!! - i hate it, use it properly or don't use it at all.
2)dirty pretty is fine, but i personally prefer the normal, just letters and punctuation, nothing fancy poetry.
3)Profanity is like alcohol, just fine in moderation, but too much will cause an accident. (or just a really bad piece of poetry in this case)
4) NO ADULT PIECES!!! leave the porno's on HBO at midnight, please.
5) Put your option in your author notes, as well as your screen name, please.
****** score some serious brownie points: coordinate the background with the theme of the poem. ***
give it a shot, what have you got to lose?
A contest entry
- ---gold takes it all- - - by Xx.Toxic.xX.
1003 points, ended February 28, 38 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What is one thing that stood out in this poem?
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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Love revolves endless!
Love is an estate gorgeous!
Love tours the romantic aareas of beauty,
The door for love is open only once
It won't revolve around us, but we have to!
whispers, lullbies, heart beats in excitement,
The sound of smiles like falling of flowers,
the caresses by lips, fingers and cheeks
And their memories revolve around
Keepiung the door for love wide open....
Love understood is love enjoyed !
Real love is like the sun rising again and again.
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Hoodwinked
I like the short harsh lines and the starkness of words useage. Bare, essential words only. It left the emotion you were expressing exposed. Great job.
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Hoodwinked ---------------What beauty here
You have an excellant way of expressing your self. You lay everything on the line where your word lays as it shoud. Pleasure can absorbed from your truthfullness. The pleasuer was mine to read...mac
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Hoodwinked!
The alliteration in the first line was really great, it started the words off in an easy to read manner.
Your short bursts of words are effective
Best to you in the contest hon
You've been hoodwinked!
Shari
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How perfectly you have described the one night stand. Loved your ending asking fulfillment for a moment
no lifetimes
here
love to us
is the revolving door
Perfect!
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not bad... I like the way you use short phrases yet create such a picture in your words... great as usual I love your writings. Thanks for sharing this with us.
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As usual your words tell it like it is, but always in such heartfelt lines.. This, to me, is the saddest tale of all, when everything inside just dies and a couple have nothing left in common.. A masterful job, Hon..
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Great sullen breath to beat here; the emotion is pure, drawn short but with depth to savor. The play on thought/wording is quite clever. Pained, but beautifully sent in flow. Nicely done!
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lovely write.
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Very creative and interesting.
I like words composition and metaphors you use here. It's emotionally sad, but reader feel a hope in the very ending:
"love to us is the revolving door".
I like it.
Much love,
Karina -
"love's lusty lies <--nice alliteration
heart beats rush
fools fall again <--I like this line
tears once more
and we are alone
mood swings misery <--I like this
each forgotten word unspoken
beautiful chaos reigns
when two become dead inside <--I like the contrast you used in the last two lines of this stanza between the words 'beautiful, chaos and death'
what is in our minds
as eyes meet eyes
yet we are blind
to a passionless core <---nice...'passionless core'
asking fulfillment for a moment
no lifetimes
here
love to us
is the revolving door" <--love this ending...this is an awesome metaphor. :)great work...I like this....there's a lot of emotion between these lines...I like it..
*hug*
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wow
this is awesome. It's dark and kind of sad but really good. It really explains what happens in love sometimes. It does explain how people can come to feel. You're a great poet and i hope to see more great ones like this one from u. Good luck in the contest and keep up the good work.
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nice. i like this. best of luck in the contest.
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Hmm this sounds more like a poem about lust than love. Maybe the title 'Revolving Doors Of Lust' might clue people into this. It's a sad piece full of emotion, one that makes many people shutdown from life.
Excellent.
Best wishes in the contest.
Gaylene
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you wrote something that has alot of emotion to it in a more matter of fact way. the pain is still felt, especially with the 'no lifetimes here'... that broke the tears out for me, but then again.. i guess i'm a romantic and always want things to work out... love, the lifetime, all of that... *sigh*
another wonderful read, even in the sadness of it all
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very beautiful and interesting, i enjoyed it a lot
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i like i think that you did a good job and its a clever line
your title and the end
<3 -
I really like the title ... the idea of the revolving door is a good one.
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A very sad piece, but truth in every word.
Nicely written. Well done my friend.
Best of luck to you in love, life, and the contest
♥ Kate
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Sadly, that's just how it seems anymore. Sometimes I wonder if true love is but a dream. Great write and best of luck!
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Sad facts that true love is so hard to find the one who can be as honest with themselves and their feelings as with another C
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