Gliding across the watery surface,
A glowing white phantom in the distance
Carries a waxing candle to her face,
Lighting up her shadowy existence.
Lovesick travelers skim across to see
The flickering of her menacing light
That plays upon her wings from a fairy,
And row closer towards the enchanting sight.
When the men cannot find the faye, they curse
And accuse her for leading them astray!
Yet it wasn’t her fault than men perverse,
And condemn women for their lusting way.
But they called her Wisp and smeared her name,
And tell how she lures traveler’s with her flame.
A contest entry
- Itaz Anudder Kontest by lindaburns.
2110 points, ended March 3, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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I looked up Will o’ the Wisp online but got bored before I could find a place where it is ever referred in the feminine as Sirens are. I don’t guess that matters. Even though “Will” is usually short for “William”, I can see where it might be short for “Willow”. Yours is an interesting poem not void of merit.
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interesting
Not a typical poem...but in a good way. I agree it seems almost whimsical, but does suggest and sadness mixed with a peaceful innocence. I enjoyed the rhyme scheme; very subtle and in a strange way i almost did not notice that it was rhyming it felt so natural. I'll admit that maybe the title could have been a bit more creative, but it definitely gets point for saying what the poem is about. I just think that with your poetic mind you might be able to think of something better.
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Thanks for your nice comments... glad you liked it!!!
I'll definatly play aroudn with different title ideas.... I want to make it clear that I'm talking about the Willow o the Wisp legend so that hte reader knows I'm drawing new onclusions from it...... but perhaps that it clear in the last two lines? I'll see what I can do!
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Love it! It feels wonderfully whimsical. Is it based on a particular folklore/legend? It, of course, reminds me of Ireland. For some reason it makes me think of that one movie... Secret of Roan Inish. One minor thing you might want to change is just to put the words "they curse" on the next line so the line ends with "the faye" and the rhyme scheme is consistent.
Another thing I really like about this poem is the commentary on society. As you and I both know, women are always getting in trouble for being "too suggestive" and whatnot. People say things like, "well, she was just asking to be raped because of the way she was dressed." etc. I hate that. You really got across the message of her peaceful innocence.
Well done.
P.S. I had to look up what the word "faye" meant. I always enjoy learning new words
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I'm glad you liked this one.... and liked the message in it- because that was exactly what I was going for. Silly society twisting women to be "evil and seductive".
And yes it is based off of the legend of the Willow o the wisp.... where travelers would see lights on the lake and follow them. These were created by the willow of the wisp who lured the travelers so off course that they were lost. I took the traditional legend, and came to new conclusions from it.
As far as the rhyme goes... I'll play around with it... the way the rhyme scheme is now is very particular as this is an english sonnet with a "a,b,a,b,c,d,c,d,e,f,e,f,g,g," scheme.......... however that doesn't mean I can't play around with it some more.
glad you liked it !
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Interesting and curiously different.
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