that man i once knew

i awoke in the night
from a terrible dream
a dream from my past
thats was covered
in darkness
i awoke with a scream
and was crying intensley
someone from my past
appeared in my dreams
he had left me
when i was a child
my mother said
that he was a cheat
i didn't know
what she meant
i have so many
unanswered questions
why did we leave?
why did he go?
how come we don't
see each other
anymore?
he was supposed to be
the father of me
didn't he want me?
didn't he love me?
he was supposed
to watch me grow
and be there when
i would need him
but he's not with me
i have so many
unanswered questions
that i dare not
speak aloud
why did we leave?
why did he go?
how come we don't
see each other
anymore?
i wanted to
leave him behind
in the way
back of my mind
but recently
of late
i think i've been
dreaming of him
i would see
a little building
where i used to live
i  would be sitting
in my chair
when a man
would come through
the front door
i wouldn't be able
to see his face
it was always
in the shadows
after he
would approach me
i would feel so happy
but then he would say
that he was leaving
and i would wake up
screaming no
these dreams that haunt
me at night
leave so many
questions for me
but for now i'll keep quiet
and keep these thoughts
to myself
i'll write
them down
i'll think them
in my head
so as to not
make my mother sad
i will find
someone someday
who can answer my questions
but for now
will keep quiet
about that man
because now i have
a better man
who i can call my father
i love him
i know he loves me
he will
never leave
and my mom
will always be happy
even if i'm
in emotional pain
i will cry
my silent
and
confused cry
deep inside
of my heart and my mind
and live with the family
i'm with now
although the painful dreams
may still come
i will hold it in
and live my life
the way it is
until the day that i may die