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The guardians of the night

A twilight warrior, graceful, strides the halls of darkness, mindful gloom.
Bewildered child in gothic wear is heaven's daughter lost to time.
A hungry angel watches, youthful charge imploring, heart abloom,
In rhythms, saddest rhyme she casts a witches spell, a prayer crime.

A twisting breeze gently entangles raven hair to comely face
distracting artful magic sweetly woven in candle's shadowed light.
Bewitching moments passes full, she knows the angel's heart embrace.
She pauses, stops her speak to take in wonder felt in lonely night.

Her blade in gentle swipe will trace a path of red across a wrist.
A bubbly bead in bloodied answer wells a taste to fallen one
from mists' aether comes dark angel demon to get her salty kiss.
In magicked night of awe, a child now sees what cannot be undone.

She crosses the palsied planes of mortal fear to take in final sight
to see the might of God's darkest angel, 'Death' in suicidal rite.
 




 

Author notes

http://www.quizilla.com/user_images/I/IN/IND/IndigoGh0st/1132007258_guardian_angel.jpg

A sonnet done in Iambic Octometer. It is dark and one of my best.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 22 of 22

  • Epistomolus silver member
    April 19

    Edit | Reply

    [Rhyme and Meter Workshop]

    This is pure accentual meter, though it closely resembles iambic octameter. When your lines are this long, it's usually not necessary to reach for the rhyme or twist around the grammar. For example,
    "Her blade in gentle swipe," "heart abloom" and "she knows the angel's heart embrace." It's okay to make a stylistic choice to use this sort of construction, but you should do it with the knowledge that you are snapping the reader out of the imagery of your poem long enough to ponder what you "actually" meant to say. When we use natural language and normal grammar, the poem flows smoothly into the brain, and carries the reader away with it.

    ~Epistomolus


  • Riftkin gold member
    April 16

    Edit | Reply
    Best of luck in my contest..
    This is just the first time looking at all
    the poems in my contest .. please do not respond.

    Riftkin


  • Nam
    April 14

    Edit | Reply
    "from mist's aether comes dark angel demon to get her salty kiss." -- I believe "mist's" would be "mists".

    Other than that: a nice poem that you have written here.

    -Nam


  • Night Terrors
    April 1

    Edit | Reply
    wow this was really cool! I loved it. I am going to add you to the finalist list. I loved the fantasy element you put into this.


  • darkyinsoul
    March 31

    Edit | Reply
    Last stanza great. Good write. That fear within the final moment, what has been done that one cannot undo..totaly comprehend that. Loved the write.


  • ennovy silver member
    March 16

    Edit | Reply
    some very well balanced rhyming and the story is dark and well told....thank you for entering .....Novy & Brazos


  • The Poetic Bandits gold member
    March 2

    Edit | Reply

    Reading List Appreciation!

    Thank you for entering this poem into the Bandit Reading List your participation is appreciated!


    The Poetic Bandits


  • Draig aine gold member
    February 28
    Edit | Reply

    love it my friend


  • Room without doors gold member
    February 23

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    This poem is full of sadness. You paint a dark picture. I liked how you represented the fight between good and evil in this poem - evil wins and she succumbs to suicide. I thought the imagery was strong throughout and you drew her picture very well:heaven's daughter lost to time.
    The rhyme is fluent and this poem has great flow. Best of luck in the contest.


  • albymyheart gold member
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome write and story here. You seem to omit many 'little' words like 'a' , 'the', 'her' etc which puts your grammar out and makes your read less articulate. Other than that, this was just a fantastic write...alby


  • lowercase prelude gold member
    February 22
    Edit | Reply
    Awesome imagery
    It really paints a great picture for the reader to try and capture in their minds


  • xXLifelessLindseyxX
    February 21

    Edit | Reply
    The imagery was wonderful in this. Dark and yes it caught my attention. Thanks for entering.

    -Sry if my comment isn't as profound as you would like-


  • mysterious.angel
    February 20
    Edit | Reply

    yea

    what you writing about me for?

  • Kalamina
    February 18
    Edit | Reply
    i am not big into dark poems, but your imagery was good.


  • Lady Altheia gold member
    February 18

    Edit | Reply

    Bandit Reading List

    Wow, I really love your imagery. I think you need to work a little on your flow but your imagery is down pact. Good luck to you in the contest and in your future writes.


  • ronnica
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    It took a few reads to really impress the story, Sad
    the way one can fall into the darkness , I cannot praise it enough for its theme rhyme and meter.
    A pleasure to read.


  • Manda Kathryn Greeters member
    February 17

    Edit | Reply

    Bandits Reading List ~

    Intriguing ~

    I don't think I've ever had the pleasure of reading a sonnet done in Iambic Octometer - I enjoyed the darkness of this, the depth and imagery you created; my favourite part is the first stanza

    Best of Luck
    ♥
    Stay safe
    ~Manda


  • Evenstar gold member
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    I'm not sure of this. Rhyme isn't my thing, so i don't know a lot about it. I like what it says though. It is dark, as you said, and an interesting read. This is definitely another idea you can play with and change if you wanted to. Trying it in other forms and such.
    I like the last 2 lines most. It concludes the poem well and it adds a lil' something extra.
    Good job, I'd say.


  • Danzy007
    February 17

    Edit | Reply

    Darkish...

    i have read darker but over all this is good the only down side is the style the paragraphs are a little chunky for my taste but otherwise keep the eye flowing through so its not so much of a downer

    this has a good plot behind it, a suicidal angel out for the sting of death,


  • Fritz O skennick gold member
    February 17

    Edit | Reply

    Cool...

    Deep, dark & emotionally charged...
    Strong narrative with an intriguing rhyme scheme in & of itself...
    Another awesome piece that enthralled throughout...
    Keep up the good work...
    Well penned, well versed, well done!!!


  • onesugar gold member
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    It is one of your best, very dark and felt really sad, I could tell by how it flowed it was a sonnet..I absolutely adore the feel they bring to a poem. There is no part I preferred I enjoyed in it's entirety.
    Good luck hon in the contest, gold if you ask me
    Love ~sweetness~ xxx


  • hotchocolate gold member
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    WOW! This is a dark deep piece here and very very well written! I wish you luck in the contest hon

    Her blade in gentle swipe will trace a path of red across a wrist.
    A bubbly bead in bloodied answer wells a taste to fallen one
    from mist's aether comes dark angel demon to get her salty kiss.
    In magicked night of awe, a child now sees what cannot be undone.

1 - 22 of 22