Death waits in paled florals: bleeds
colour from the prettier things
until they're every shade of silence.
In exhibit N, the last petal
of a protracted Spring is plucked;
laid to rest with whiter words.
Author notes
You don't have to judge this, I just wanted to write something for you. Love you 
A contest entry
- where does the white go when the snow melts? by Nicolette.
1500 points, ended March 6, 2009, 31 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Critique please!
Comments
1 - 15 of 15
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your writing has really changed from here to present day..a year later...your writing is 10 years stronger!
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i like this poem.
succinct and very cleanly done.
HENSLEY
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Allyce.... again, you wrote yourself right into my heart with your "whiter words" and I am quite speechless - even now, after having read this poem so many times
Thank you for the personal touches, for your touch, for the way this one speaks to me, so quietly, so softly. You, and your poetry, will always have VIP-status in "exhibit N's" heart.
what more can i say but thank you, lovely one...
~ Nicolette
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where the nectar of nutrients flows, there lies the base of a deeper redemption. makes a merchant wanna cash out and run away...
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i really liked this. a lot.
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I'm glad
Thanks.
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i love the image here of paled florals...and 'shade of silence'...this is a very 'quiet' poem and leaves me with silence.
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I love the imagery of death absorbing the color of things . . . of course one thinks of flowers that fade, roses in particular. In most things, death thieves color from the living.
Excellent metaphor and, for reasons I am not clear about, I associate this with the death of love in particular . . . like innocence lost. Maybe that is just my projection!
Anyway, I think this is very well done and works at a much deeper level than might be expected at first glance . . . and I would judge it well if I were judging.
Garrison
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You pretty much described my exact train of thought as I wrote this! Smarty
Thanks
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i like this ...
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Simply gorgeous.
I keep wanting to write something for this, but white
doesn't seem to be working for me, maybe it's all the snow outside. lol. Feels like it's never going to melt.
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Come visit me, lots of sunshine
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love the 'p' alliteration.
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