if i had to assign a color
to every pious movement,
the name of your arms lifting
like an acolyte
would be deep and rhythmic
and maroon as a scavenger,
their inevitable crash
onto the coffee table a bloodier
sort of emotion.
my originality has been all
but quartered by the swift,
dark-eyed intent of your anger,
as calloused and breathless
as the rest of you
my poetry, all but
a specter of you --
even now,
sometimes i find your discolored face
in the overhead lights, flickering
as if unsure of exactly how many
feticides in a week are just
enough to swallow.
i cannot even open my eyes
without fearing that you are materializing
in the cross-sections of my lashes,
or that you could have left something
as innocent as a finger
behind in my bed,
screaming as violently
as the day you were born.
and if i were capable of prayer,
i would.
every morning.
for the men drifting in and out
of the coming day
with the grace of a stillbirth,
for the smell of the season,
for the stories waiting
in my breast like benign lumps;
that these things
will not be you
Author notes
had the biggest scare yesterday -- thought my dad was suddenly in town, but he was actually half the state away. haha
A contest entry
- no more love poems by Ryno.
400 points, ended February 28, 9 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - the static rounds: audition. show me what you've got. by decode.
1070 points, ended June 21, 44 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
rip it, damn it.
Comments
1 - 21 of 21
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still. so incredible. every time i read this i get goosebumps. i want to make a link to it on my main page advising everyone i know to read it. it deserves at least that.
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my favorite poem on the entire site, still.
by a wide stretch. -
beautiful, so a yes
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yes yes yes.
thanks for auditioning. -
woah. yes.
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you are undeniably talented... this is fantastic poetry. i will definitely make an effort to read more of you. this was very very good
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holy God, yes.
yesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesyesYES. -
yes,yes,yes.
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I have a close friend who really appreciates beautiful writing. She had never heard of this website before I told her about it yesterday.
I forced her to read this poem, because it is my favorite that I have read on this site at all.
She was so moved by it that she's thinking of making her own account to join.
You are so unbelievably talented. Don't ever underestimate the power of your words to move others. :] -
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that's an incredible compliment. thank you.
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Again I am impressed by the maturity of your work. 16 you say? Hmmm...
This hit hard and took no prisoners. I liked that! And your title suited it well. Attack...attack...ATTACK! There are so many fabulous images in this, but the one that stood out for me was "the name of your arms lifting/like an acolyte". Your ending was excellent as well...very gold-worthy..
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I loved it.
then I read your author's notes and loved it even more:
"screaming as violently
as the day you were born.
and if i were capable of prayer,
i would. "
and a killerrrrr ending!
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This was an incredible journey of emotion... life... imagery and just amazing poetry.
The opening drew me in... the imagery captured me... and the emotion packaged it all into one.
"sometimes i find your discolored face
in the overhead lights, flickering"
BAH! I just love this part SO much!
Your theme to was brilliant... and really affective. I think I captured that scare, that subtle haunting of the person in your everyday life... so brilliant, so brilliant that I cannot even leave a 1/2 decent comment, only one that is choppy, random any all over the place.
Excellent. Thanks for the entry... DUH! -
... I'd forgotten I'd left a crappy ass monosyllabic comment.
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Read this at least 5x.
"if i had to assign a color
to every pious movement,"
I wish you could - it would be insanely groovy.
"maroon as a scavenger"
I've never encountered the word 'maroon' and liked it AS MUCH as I do there.
"a bloodier
sort of emotion."
... stealing that. Now.
"even now"
Love the line break, placement and just the conversational tone of these 2 words here-we-o.
"as if unsure of exactly how many
feticides in a week are just
enough to swallow."
Way cool.
& the part JP mentioned - hot damn.
"and if i were capable of prayer,
i would."
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH*
;
Jessica
*indicative of being overwhelmed by excellent ass poetry -
or that you could have left something
as innocent as a finger
behind in my bed
this is simply amazing
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you! i'm glad you're back
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i love you. gahhh, this is good.
too good for words.
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It's always hard to tell which line of your poems are the most painfully good ones.
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I am horribly upset that I can only give so little applause to this piece. This is the most stunning poem I have read on AP to date. Flawless.
Wow. Absolute shock.
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oh my =[[[
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