in the sweet switzerland night
the river was silent
but i could hear it sleeping.
my sisters and i climbed
that hill, leading to home.
the steep slope
roped around my calves
like vines entangle themselves
in the arms of lattice fences.
but once i could see
the clock face on my church,
looming like a rising moon,
the hill stopped
and the river awakened...
i could smell
the noble white blooms
of home.
Author notes
critque.
peace to all ~flight
A contest entry
- as we rode through the night by adsaige.
400 points, ended March 7, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
honesty
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
-
I miss Germany and the surrounding area. very lovely.
Double "s" is alt+225 on the num pad = ß -
Judged
This poem carries the tone of both innocence and wonder.
In this poem, the use of it is both beautiful and endearing.
The overall images of the poem, its subtly, its softness,
in any other prompt or contest, I think it would be wispy and because of the almost lack of absolute concrete images wouldn't work...but for this, it does. It's...natural. And beautiful.
If you decide to edit, you have a few days. I will take a second look at or before the end of the contest.
Thank you for entering. Good luck.
-
-
thanks for the comment
what would you suggest for an improvement?
peace to all ~flight -
-
Honestly, I don't suggest an edit.
It is completely up to you.
-
-
-
its hard for me to enjoy this because all i could think of was sound of music throuout the whole thing. and i cant belive you used the word lattice! you hate that word! congratulations!
-
-
ahah, i don't mind the sound of the word (like splice AWWWWWWW)
i'm just afraid of the object...gosh they're creepy......
peace to all ~flight
-
Adding your comment:
1 - 6 of 6
