Ditch the ads, upload images and much more - upgrade today from 5.95/month!
Read • Contests • Groups • Learn • Forums • Store • Help
 

Emptied Shell

Missing image

In the depths of darkness her beauty fades

unleashing the sorrow within her heart

Heavy burdens soiled her soul's escapades

and all that was pure had been ripped apart

 

Misery claims the inner shadow's hold

tearing the walls of mere existence down

Into the well of deception she's sold

and everything dear has been run-down

 

A glimpse of her eyes reveals her despair

her body expresses that death's coming

Near the shores, she'll deliver herself there

the beauty of life is no longer stunning

 

Pouring into the hands of sorrows well

she emptied herself of her beaten shell

Author notes

Picture Inspiration 1
Picture By: Juergen Pollner 16.09.2004

Emptying a shell isnt a bad thing, if you figure out that suicide isnt the answer that inner soul searching of who you really are and what you can do..is.

Dust your shell, remove the grime(past) and move on.

Done in sonnet form

10 syllable lines (14 LINES TOTAL)
3 stanzas of 4 lines
ending with a couplet
rhyme scheme varies
this one is: abab cdcd efef gg

A contest entry

Please tell me what you think

    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments

1 - 17 of 17

  • tears.of.silence
    February 21

    Edit | Reply
    beautiful. I really like this poem and it showed the picture perfectly but with a deeper meaning. excellent work. Thank you for entering the contest and the best of luck to you. Kahy


  • sheltered
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    yikes
    why is it your sad writes always get me
    this is a whoop-butt sonnet
    fine rhyme form flow


  • silent28mystery
    February 17
    Edit | Reply
    a most astonishing view point to such a topic and picture. loved the development


  • Griswold
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written sweetheart as only you can do it, full of emotion and pain. A great take on the prompt, love you baby...Scott


  • kooleyes
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    very well written. your use of words are very powerful. you paint a picture for all to see a woman that is overcome with darkness and a great sadness that fill her heart. Thanks for the read and keep on writing.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    February 17

    Edit | Reply

    powerful

    dark and sad..but this is penned with excellence and there is a hint that you'll be alright by way of the author's notes so i will relax and just say..wow, you did it again!


  • Immortal Obscurity Greeters member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    As I've said many times, I admire people who can write well in forms, and you are one of them, my dear. There is some great imagery here, and that picture is gorgeous too, though it doesn't begin to do your poem justice.

    Just a few spelling-errors/typos I thought I'd bring to your attention:

    -"Souls" in line 3 should be "soul's"
    - "Shadows in v2, L1 should be "shadow's"
    -"Dispair" in v3, L1 should be "despair"
    -"Sorrows" at the end should be "sorrow's", and "beatened" should be "beaten".

    My apologies. I am a grammar-whore But you know you love me anyway and won't beat me up for this comment

    I agree with your ANs as well. I used to be suicidal too; part of me still is, but you can't let that part own you. Suicide is selfish, and I would never dream of burdening those I love with my own selfishness.

    Well done, and keep up the good work!

    Laura


    • PassionsPromise gold member
      February 17
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks my little grammar whore
      Glad I have someone looking out lol I knew someone would point them out

      Appreciate your words hon.

      Tory


  • lovee..
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    i love the picture.
    your writing is so deep.,


  • The Drifter
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    This poem explains a lot.
    I feel the sadness, the dispair.
    This poem draws the reader in and allows us to glimse through your eyes.
    Love you Baby.


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    Beautiful ,melancholic response to the prompt. Great metaphor, rhythm and rhyme. At times, our souls do prompt us to shed our facade, or "shell", to reveal inner beauty, perhaps mirroring more clearly the heart of God.

    Less of me, more of YOU.


  • Unbreakable3
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    First off this os before i read the poem I love the image it is so beautiful i saw one liek it once but not that pretty...

    I really like the poem it is kinda like me in a way!! But i really like the rymign style too!!!

    Blessings..

    Unbreakable...<


  • PoeticMadnesss
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    ahhh such a beautiful poem, and such great metaphors. such an overall good job, keep up the amazing work!


  • cricketjeff gold member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    Introspective sonnet, lovely form filled with sad lines. You have a lot to work though and this is lovely poetry

    Jeff




    • PassionsPromise gold member
      February 16
      Edit | Reply
      well i do, and a working on it. Tonight is one of them. Thanks for your commenting.

      Love

      Tory


  • Wolf Mistress silver member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    Wow...you always seem to surprise me..

    But you have it right...dusted my shell a few times too and moved on...
    Sometimes it's difficult but it's the only right way, just as you wrote...
    Only I liked your words better than mine..

    Gold to me...the poem and the filled shell

    XXJeannette

    • PassionsPromise gold member
      February 16

      Edit | Reply
      Thanks honey. Glad you enjoyed it.

      Im trying to dust mine but its getting hard to

      oh well...im still pressing on.

      Love you
      Tory

1 - 17 of 17