Promised the world only to get an atlas was
An awful kind of shock, because
I opened it, shook it about,
A shrunken planet then fell out:
I rushed it to a factory
Where they might blow it up for me,
But then it just exploded, see?
Poor me.
A contest entry
- Swift This Line... by Ken-Maverick.
900 points, ended February 26, 2009, 14 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 7 of 7
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Well, in revision I would work on line breaks which takes time to do via a pc. I love to help, but I am an in person one on one instructor. Anyway, I liked your work. It made me think. An exploding wirld! Wow!in 2012 or 2020. Who knows when and if.
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VIEWED!!!
ooh this one is a beauty,
love the rhyme and flow in this
not easy to do with a word limit, well done!!
all the best to you in the contest
Ken -
Co-judged!
Quite witty, made me laugh
Running to inflate the planet fallen flat at your feet.
Best to you in the contest
Shari
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Oops! Poor planet!
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logical direction from the prompt. Saw you rushing about with deflated earth - like a heart transplant in a chiller box. Looking for some air. Which is probably what will eventually happen. xx we won't be around. But our grandchildren. May be. Sorry - just trying on light and frothy. Shit - it doesn't fit!!
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You took this in a completely surprising direction, and I like it very much.
Best of luck,
Bill
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witty
"Promised the world" is a cruel trick, and one thing leads to another. The title is a great hook, best wishes!
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