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opening my windows to this scene:

i.
leaves unzipping themselves from their oak captors. wind catching them as they flutter gracefully to the suddenly green ground; only to be swept up again in another gust.

ii.
colorful pedals blooming across the pigmented sky. dancing back and forth like waves. the sun illuminating them for the winter. only the colors can make its cold heart jealous.

iii.
a frisbee flying. appearing to cut straight through the breeze to the whiteclouds. entering its heavens and resting there in all the feathery glory.

iv.
it's back again. water droplets filtering through the sky. sunny showers and thunder. as if the clouds have frequent mood swings. sometimes munificent- releasing the perfect amount onto the warmth beneath. or peevish- dropping all it's holding and calling the sun to come in early so the booming can take over.

and it's here to stay for another round.









****

Author notes

Spring is usually my least favorite season, but maybe this year will be different..at least I hope so. :/

http://allpoetry.com/A.%20Rose

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 24 of 24

  • AAA Taurus The Bull gold member
    March 12

    Edit | Reply

    Good work

    poetically powerful piece of work, very well done Good insights, and poetic flow, There were no errors. No typos and nothing to change as far as i can see. I look forward to your next One ,Alexander


  • August Starlight silver member
    March 10

    Edit | Reply
    You've definitely captured the beauty of srping with this poem. I'm not necessarily fond of spring either, but I do like how you've described it here. Great write.


  • Mirthryl
    March 6
    Edit | Reply
    clappies


  • Mirthryl
    March 6

    Edit | Reply
    My favorite part was "sunny showers and thunder, as if the clouds have frequent mood swings!" Great imagery!


  • pinksnowboots
    March 3

    Edit | Reply
    Originality: (7/10)
    Emotion: (5/10)
    Poetic devices: (15/20)
    Structure/flow: (6/10)
    Cohension: (8/10)
    Title relating to poem: (9/10)
    Personal opinion: (6/10)
    Syntax: (6/10)
    Diction: (6/10)
    Total: (68/100)

    I personally don't like the form and find it rather choppy. That's just my opinion. It isn't a bad poem.


  • jcat gold member
    February 27
    Edit | Reply
    For me you described all the reasons that spring is so wonderful. It is my second favorite season...Summer is my absolute favorite!!! This was so rich in imagery and as I gaze out across all the snow here I feel myself hungering for this scene you have imprinted in my mind! Very well done and thank you for your entry


  • writebrain
    February 27

    Edit | Reply
    i enjoyed the imagery, but i have to disagree about spring!...i think it's lovely.

    anyway, great write and thanks for the entry!


  • Little-Buster gold member
    February 24
    Edit | Reply
    Wow.
    You have a some nice phrasings there.
    Great imagery!

    -Buster


    • A. Rose
      February 25
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks! It was one of my first atempts at writing like that, so


  • ten thousand cicadas gold member
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    This has some really amazing phrasings, your way of describing the familiar were unique and totally refreshing to read. I think you captured some of the wonder of spring so marvelously!


  • sideways hourglass
    February 16

    Edit | Reply

    Yes

    watch out for fragments.
    and the gerunds. ['ing' words]
    otherwise, this is good.


    • A. Rose
      February 16
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. Do the -ing words ruin the image or something? I'm not sure what's wrong with them.

      • sideways hourglass
        February 16
        Edit | Reply
        There's nothing wrong with it, but in my opinion, the poem would sound better if you came up with various ways to convey your ideas, without so many "ing" words. The sound gets repetitive and jarrs in my mind when reading, and leaves the impression that using "ing" words is the only way you know how to express action. I think you're capable of better though, otherwise I wouldn't have even said anything. See you in boot camp, aha.


        • A. Rose
          February 16
          Edit | Reply
          Ahhh, I see what you're saying. I'll have to work on that, for sure. Thanks.


  • innocence jaded.xx
    February 16

    Edit | Reply

    ohh my, this is definitely amazing. i was hooked from the first stanza, and captivated from then on. you have a way with words that is mesmerizing. 

    -colorful pedals blooming across the pigmented sky. dancing back and forth like waves. the sun illuminating them for the winter. only the colors can make its cold heart jealous.

    ...

     

    brilliant use of imagery and other poetic devices.
    thank you for entering (: ♥


  • Laura Lamarca gold member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    Yes.

    The excessive use of "ing" words distracted me when reading and made this a hard decision for me to make. I'm giving you a "yes" vote because I see potential too, although I believe your imagery is too flowery. This piece is the start of something good, yet needs alot of work.


  • And Hyetal
    February 16

    Edit | Reply

    yes.

    I like your imagery, but I think you need to work on your presentation of them. The sentences seemed choppy. You could try some other kind of punctuation other than periods to make everything flow better. I see potential here.

    • A. Rose
      February 16
      Edit | Reply
      Thanks. Yeah, I recently started using this type of style. I'm still trying to get the punctuation and everything down. I'll work on it.

1 - 24 of 24