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Deserted Soul

Missing image

Deserted Soul

 

Pang drips through raindrops life stains on my face,

tears serve no value, just dampen the floor

No light to breathe in, I’ve fallen from grace,

a weaver of waste, no hinge on death’s door.

 

Sorrows seep stanzas from spiraling souls,

prayers spew nothingness propelled in thin air

Pitch ponderings paste their views in shadows,

I knew since my youth, I didn’t belong here.

 

Passionate embers now frigid as ice,

where there was purpose, hollow eyes portray

A soul born in this world, not once, but twice,

still longs for the auburn sunrise today

 

In tune with my guitar while it sleeps,

visions of my soul eternally weeps.

Author notes

Picture Credit: The Keeper of the Desolate by ~Shining-Rainbows

 

Background By my ap sister StormGoddess

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Comments

1 - 15 of 15

  • queenie
    February 24

    Edit | Reply
    alliteration when it's done in the right context and concept is so great. you have achieved just right balance in this and you have coupled it with your grace. you can't write a bad poem,it's not in you.

  • LovingPhoenix
    February 24
    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written, what a lost soul. But still capturing the human spirit of wanting to be more.


  • Auburn Sunrise gold member
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    The alliteration in this poem is wonderful! Not overdone, just enough to color the poem with a certain sound - to help the tone with the "p" and "s" sounds laced throughout.

    I couldn't help but notice (not saying it's because of me or anything, I'm not that conceited or confident) the use of "auburn sunrise" in the next to last stanza. Makes me feel like my author name is poetic!

    You had some very unique descriptions and phrases here, such as
    "no light to breathe in"

    Nobody every thinks of breathing light in.... but it makes perfect sense because we breathe easier when we can see light. We feel somehow closed-in when enveloped in darkness - suffocated even.

    Beautifully done. I can't imagine this not placing.


  • Lonely
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    Hollow Eyes..
    I think, this is one of your best writes till date.. and the rhyming scheme is just superb.. I love the wording, the tune of piano... i could feel the emotions as you portray them here.. I must say hubby, Excellent write! Do keep writing, just wow

    Love always,
    Lonely


  • jasminerose
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    Powerfully moving and hopefully not true bro,,
    I am in need of a tissue...
    Brilliant writing as always!!!
    Jazzy


  • Angelo di Luce gold member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    Is ok for a contest, good job, though you don`t mean what you say, I am sure
    Or I`ll burst into tears in a minute


  • Jalalbad gold member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    I agree this is poweful Tim.
    You are a powerful writer, anything you write has the ability to stir emotion. Don't worry be happy, I adore you
    smiles,
    Judy


  • Introvert2006
    February 16
    Edit | Reply

    Powerful!!!

    Emotion here drips off the page, wow!
    You are a very gifted poet, thanks for sharing here.


  • Mistress Leala silver member
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    Wow, great imagery, very vivid and filled with such sadness.


  • poet2angels gold member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply


    Such sadness flows from your pen but with beauty as always my Bro .....I wish and pray every happiness for you because you deserve the best of everything , for someone with a heart such as yours should recieve an abundance of gifts in return

    Sis Lynda


  • Stardust-luvr
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    my dear heart you send me in awe with flowing tears as I share your sorrow and breathe your disdain and burdens. your words wreak havok on my spirit where i have wished i was on the edge of here and elsewhere. you ARE somebody whom is truly worthy of HIS GRACES and embraced by everlasting love and friendships divine. from the first word the tears began to flow knowing I have failed so many things in my life including erasing your disharmony. well done and many loving blessings always xxxxx


  • SmokinHotWhiteTiger
    February 16

    Edit | Reply

    A Mighty Fine Write

    Well I must say this was quite an enthralling write coming from ya. I really do love the dark gothic themed background and the words really paint quite a grim picture as well. any ways this write is quite strong and very well penned. your words produce images that jump all over within our minds and yet the poem still makes alot of sense and was quite well constructed. over all this was quite a good write and the very best of luck to ye in the contest.


  • poetryrocksmysox
    February 16

    Edit | Reply

    A True Weaver~

    You have skills, and can write your emotions down as if someone was seeing your inner soul like a portrait, you're that good at expressing how you feel, and capturing the reader in all of us, as well as relating to so many, on so many different levels. Another masterpieces, and I wish you all the best within this contest, your friend K.


  • Denerica
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    Always room to begin again, life is not so lost and dark that it cannot ever find it's purpose...again your words get us thinking, cleverly well written and penned to perfection as always... blessings.


  • Angelflower
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    if my soul had tears it would cry for you, not out of pity.. but for the beauty it sees that you cannot.. life is not over.. and I will always be there to make you believe in yourself again.. if we have to find a purpose over and over again then we will.. a truly wonderful and emotional write.. you are cherished beyond your imaginings...

    Angel

1 - 15 of 15