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Beteleur Camp

Beteleur Camp
©copyright 2009 Frans Bezuidenhout

 

 

Struggling the road, dodging puddles, bush kept creeping from the sides. My sense of direction played between mind and heart, with each inlet a journey itself. Eventually we arrived where, waiting for me, were a few postgraduate students who had before us braved the road, with others still to find their way to the Beteleur Bootcamp. Here we would live, work and get to know each other during the next four days, under pregnant skies preparing ourselves for the new academic year. 

Each day received its measure of wetness — showers drenching dry soil. By the second day, green appeared.  Hidden by tall trees, banks of under-growth lined mossy footpaths, where sound staccatoed within surrounding bush — so different to the city and township noise.

Tucked and covered by trees and climbers, we stood each morning in steaming wooden ablution blocks taking showers, listening to nature’s awakening — a difference this is to looming bustle of the year that lies ahead. 

Each year I am to discover the hearts of those who have chosen to journey with me — and they mine.  Different walks of life will blend as one, but also theory and practice. 

They will eventually learn, perhaps for the first time, that collaboration is more than  working together — it’s the soul of honesty with self — also achievement is not equal to potential.  Hopefully, they will understand facets of group life have already weaved its unseen threads — a collage long before deciding to walk among the trees and bush under skies heavy with rain, where there is sun but sometimes not seen — a journey preparing them for life’s purpose and also to enable this in others.


 ~~ The End




















Author notes

Reflections on a four-day working retreat with my postgraduate students.

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Comments

1 - 14 of 14

  • Peteskid gold member
    April 8

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    this brings me back to days of christian fellowship as a boy/young man when so much of what I saw in life, in nature seemed to be directed to bring realizations, so much like these, of a greater purpose...wonderful...PK


    • FransB gold member
      April 8
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks PK,

      my first attempt to write short-short stories. Frans

      • Peteskid gold member
        April 8
        Edit | Reply
        Frans-
        first story...well now that is something I never would have guessed, it has wonderful elements, the reader feels the heavy air, surroundings and takes part in the sense of discovery... It is a very well done piece, a fine start to your story writing efforts... PK


  • BonnieQ silver member
    February 23

    Edit | Reply
    A few simple details
    arrivedm/arrived;
    if only one sentence in that second paragraph, then go ahead and include it in the first para;
    "within the surrounding" delete the;
    "showers listening" comma between;
    "to the looming bustle of the year that lies ahead." -- to looming bustle of the year lying ahead.
    "the facets of group life have already weaved" -- the facets of group life, which have already weaved.
    Double space after last sentence and ~~The End

    As mentioned before, always read your work aloud in order to catch issues not seen.

    You are getting there, Mr. Talent!

    • FransB gold member
      February 23
      Edit | Reply

      Thanks BonQ

      I still get 'the' in the way! Too tired last night so I messed up my latest entry up a bit. Will try to remember all that you have taught me. Blessings. Frans

  • BonnieQ silver member
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    Well, this edit is due to my not having informed you certain combinations of words are redundant and require that you pick one or the other: such as "and also" -- both mean the same thing, so choose one. The greatest pet peeves of publishers is redundancy and the use of the same words too many times in one paragraph or even in one chapter.

    Usually, when I edit, I do the first one by reading the work aloud to see how it flows: flow is just as important in prose as it is in poetry. This enables the writer to catch a lot of errors as well as hiccups in the flow. A second edit should be done to locate redundancy and to tighten up a piece by eliminating unnecessary words.

    When using "and," avoid using over and over: and, also, as well as, thus, therefore, in addition to -- you get the drift. Redundancy can make an otherwise superior piece become boring to the reader, who may or may not finish the piece.

    "The" and "that" also are words over used and, in most cases, totally unnecessary. When performing the vocal edit, look for those areas where a sentence reads just as clearly without them.

    Now, this issue is a personal preference: "those that have chosen to journey" -- because "that" is used frequently, I do not like it used when speaking of people; preferring "those who have chosen to journey"

    Editors cause all the profuse bleeding, but we expect the writer to perform the major surgery.

    Much luv & hugs, BonQ

    • FransB gold member
      February 16
      Edit | Reply

      BonQ

      Keep going. I'll soon have a perfect piece. You know what? I think that when all is OK, we will have to get into the storyline!! Thank you my friend. Few will do what you are doing. I am learning like crazy. Blessings. Frans

  • BonnieQ silver member
    February 16
    Edit | Reply
    As you will see, my darling friend, editing takes more than one pass

    "drenching the dry soil" -- delete 'the'
    ",and heart and soul" -- ", heart and soul" too many 'and'
    "learn, perhaps for the first time that" -- comma between 'time, that'
    "together; that the soul" -- "together: it's the soul"
    "that the facets" -- delete 'that'
    "themselves, and also in others" -- delete comma, following and is an incomplete sentence thus comma inappropriate

    You said something about giving something to your postgraduates? Whatever it was, give it to them
    You're doing great!

    Luv & hugs, BonnieQ

    • FransB gold member
      February 16
      Edit | Reply

      I love this.

      I hope that I have done as you have indicated. You have inspired me. When you have time, please take a look at "The road". Blessings. Frans


  • Aesthete2000 gold member
    February 16

    Edit | Reply
    Frans, you hold us in the moment,
    trekking along, sharing the experience.
    The "collage" reference is so appropriate.

    Yes, the edits trim and enhance the piece.

    Thak you for taking the reader on this
    meaningful adventure.

    M-C


    • FransB gold member
      February 16
      Edit | Reply

      As mentioned so many times before,

      I appreciate it when you stop by. I am honored to have met BonnieQ. Frans


      • Aesthete2000 gold member
        February 16
        Edit | Reply
        Yes, I had stopped by earlier,
        and now I see you took her sound advice.

        Take care, Frans.

  • BonnieQ silver member
    February 16
    Edit | Reply

    Your Talent Is Considerable!

    First sentence: last 3 words, delete, redundant. Part of avoiding wordiness is to eliminate unnecessary words: i.e. "poured drenching the dry soil" -- "poured, drenching dry soil"
    walks of life, will blend: -- delete comma
    "and … heart" -- elipsis are used for pauses only in dialogue, within text it should be an M-dash
    "with the self" -- delete 'the'
    "that achievement" -- delete 'that'
    "that the facets of group life has" -- "the facets of group life have" (facets is subject, thus have; delete 'that')
    "there is sun, but" -- delete comma, incomplete sentence following 'but', so comma inappropriate.
    "purpose … within" -- no elipsis, insert M-dash

    Now that this editor has made your piece bleed profusely, I must add that I am very impressed with your writing talent. It is wonderful, very vivid imagery & you placed me right there with everyone at Beteluer Camp --

    as I've said before, you hit all three modes-- audio, visual, kinetic-- the one ability that can make a writer a great author. Just work on tightening it up by eliminating unnecessary words, redundancy, and fine tune the grammer as well as form.

    Much love & hugs, BonnieQ

    • FransB gold member
      February 16
      Edit | Reply

      BonQ

      Thanks. Had too many distractions this morning. Just wanted to get something down. However, I appreciate your input - this is a great help. I'll attend to it. Thank you so much for your time. Frans

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