Beneath the darkness of the universe
I stood admist the helplessness
I felt the excruciating pain that seeped through my skin
I wanted to see you
I wanted to search for your footprints
Only if I could have seen them once
Your footprints, I wanted to see them...
The old trees creaked in the depths of the darkness
There was a pall of silence
Like the shroud of death it encompassed the night
Only the leaves of the trees made a rustling sound
That killed the stillness in the air
I stood there searching for something
Your footprints, I wanted to see them...
The moonlight hid the darkness in her veil
The night breeze kissed my face as if you had kissed
The lovely air hid me in her arms
As if you were there besides me holding me in your arms
The stars stood in the sky making a lovely pattern in the dark
I gazed at them and asked them to help me
Help me to search for you
Search for your footprints
Your footprints, I wanted to see them...
I searched and searched for you
But there was no one
Not even your shadow
The painful air engulfed me
Knocking the breath out of my lungs
I wanted to breathe
I wanted to see you only once
Your footprints, I wanted to see them...
That's when I saw myself
Madly searching for you
Yes, you were there
Somehow I felt your presence in the quietude
Your lingering memories filled the air
Enwrapped in everlasting fragrance
I wish to be there again
Whenever I miss you
Whenever I want to feel your presence
I wish to go there
And feel the magical air
Because it's the same place
Where you left your footprints
The place where you stood last May
It’s been a year now...
20TH-MAY-2008
© 2006-2009 Rinzu Susan Rajan
Author notes
On 21st May 2008,we were to celebrate our first love anniversary...But before that beautiful day came into our lives,we were separated by destiny...
On 20th May, I went to the place where we both met exactly a year ago just to feel the magical air...And thus this poem was born...
It's all about lost love,and why I still go to that place where he stood a year ago...
For the contest 10 options prwewrites aloud
option sad
A contest entry
- Free verse contest about love lost/ regaining long lost love... 500 points by Manoj Sanyal.
500 points, ended March 5, 12 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - PRE WRITES :) :) by Rhythm Baby.
400 points, ended February 22, 7 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - I MISS YOU!!! by Temptation..
700 points, ended February 28, 22 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - 1ST contest inspire by FallenxAngelxMisfit.
600 points, ended March 5, 21 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - GOLDEN DARKNESS by Perennial Plague.
400 points, ended November 17, 27 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Love, Please by Painted Nails.
950 points, ended November 17, 98 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
1 - 22 of 22
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This is beautiful and so is the love you have for him. Very well deserving of the tropgies you reserved on it.
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'Beneath the darkness of the universe
I stood admist the helplessness
I felt the excruciating pain that seeped through my skin
I wanted to see you
I wanted to search for your footprints
Only if I could have seen them once
Your footprints, I wanted to see them...'
I love this stanza. Thanks so much for taking the time to enter,
good luck.
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I felt the repetition of footprints got kind of boring towards the end. This did have intense emotions in it, but I want more. Show me, don't tell me. Metaphors and other poetic devices should make this absolutely outstanding. This was nicely done though and I liked the structure of this. Good job and good luck in the contest.
Josh
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WOW. This poem is absolutely amazing. I don't know how you can manage to capture such intense emotion. It's amazing, every aspect of it.
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest. ♥ -
Great Job thanks for entering.
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This was full of emotion & depth.
So many beautiful thoughts
entwined within.
Nicely done!
Thanks for entering & best of luck -
I really like the repetitive ending to each stanza, I think it reiterates a powerful feeling. thanks for entering.
Laura -
Wow... This is beautiful. Just amazing... Thank you for entering
~Lae -
Beautiful indeed.
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Beautiful write. I can definately feel it...Thanks for entering, and good luck!
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a desperately lonely and creative piece. descriptive. good write. thanks for entering the contest. emmy
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ichigosama
this is very moving and all mystical like. i'm sorry for your losses. just remember the memory of him will always be in your heart. great job and be strong!!! -
This is so good and touching that I had to read it to the end. So captivating...leaves me wanting more.
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deeply emotional. i love your metaphors, and flowing descriptions. it gave the piece a beautiful rhythm. i love your references, and repetitions; clearly you have had trouble going through this (i know how it feels) it is good to remember, and very helpful to release your feelings through poetry. thank you for entering my contest. i wish you the best of luck
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very good poem...
best wishes and good luck,
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very good poem...
best wishes and good luck,
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This is a great poem and I'm amazed at how nicely it was written. This speaks so well to all the audience out there.
The title is nicely written with the words and shows a great story through the poem.
Unfortunetly, for this contest I am actually looking for someone who is able to write something that has never received a trophey before or been published. This contest was made for all the new people out there to understand that they can write and not to give up on their dreams.
I love the write of your poem and it speaks so well!
GREAT JOB!
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this is really powerful stuff you have written
thanx for entering -
Knocking the breath out my lungs- powerful line! Beautiful but sad poem thankyou for entering x
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this has some intense imagery. and i really like the repition. it adds alot!! this is amazing. Thank you so much for entering and good luck!
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A very moving piece, although there are a couple typos you might want to correct, such as; 'stillnes' in second stanza, fifth line should have another 's'. Also I asked you to put what inspired you in your AN, please edit that for me =) Other than that it was very easy to follow and relate to. Thank you for entering, and good luck in the contest.
--Pretty Disaster. -
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oops...a lil carelessness...have made all the necessary corrections...thanks
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