As i admonished him nervously,
his tongue of fire burned mine gently.
"It will be fine," he said.
so i contemplated it for a moment until i finally gave in.
The flowering of our love was just too strong for me to say no to him.
So we took that handful of pills and our first hit,
then descended off the deep end.
The desecration of our actions made it seem as if we were invincible.
But soon, even love wasn't enough to control our addictions.
We were sucked into a pharmaceutical nightmare
where only stitched up eyelids could escape our insomniac nights.
Our now soon to be eradicated life seemed nothing but bittersweet,
until our superfluous self pity left us no where but flowing down the road of that stupendous mistake called drugs.
Our explicit lifestyle showed us how dissapointing this world can be,
and since ours is faded and black,
we have nothing to do but wait for that six-foot hole to be dug so we can be trapped underground forever.
Might as well take another hit...
Author notes
song-meant to live-switchfoot
A contest entry
- OPTIONS! OPTIONS! OPTIONS! by MoonlitRoses.
750 points, ended July 4, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrite contest - round 1 by serenity silvermoon.
929 points, ended October 12, 492 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
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Wow. This is very intense and deep. I love the vocabulary, but please put which option you used, as it makes it easier to judge the contest. Thanks for entering, and good luck.
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I first looked at this and thought "Oh no, this is going to be crap" because of the format and bad grammar, but it was actually a sweet surprise. I like the imagery. You put origionality into a situation that may seem cliche. Very nice work! (I would still fix the grammar errors though)
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An amazing look into a world of darkness and self destruction. Your use of the prompt is fantastic amd the imagery is all too real. the only change I would suggest is the length of your lines it would be much easier to read if you broke them up in smaller stanza's.
Example:
"As I admonished him not to do it
his tongue of fire burned mine gently.
"It will be fine," he said.
so I contemplated it for a moment
until I finally gave in
The flowering of our love was just
too strong for me to say no to him
So we took that handful of pills and our first hit
then descended off the deep end
The desecration of our actions made it seem
as if we were invincible.
But soon, even love wasn't enough
to control our addictions."
And don't forget to capitalize your (i) - (I). This is just my humble opinion and wish you much luck in the contest for your write deserves recognition. God Bless, Jo-Ann
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thanks for sharing.
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