Meandering a deserted beach, she breathes the salt sea air
Earthbound with gritty sand between her mortal toes
Raucous gulls swoop low amongst the white capped waves
Memories, half forgotten, call her to this windswept strand
A place of healing and of hope
I, a sailor of the seven seas, stranded by her silent siren song
Daughter of Neptune, collecting sea shells on the seashore.
Author notes
This poem was inspired by and is dedicated to Lane. There is a version with my feable attempts at sign language on u-tube under "nordicsky"
A contest entry
- Pirates and Mermaids by Just a poet.
1050 points, ended May 23, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
I'm here to learn, you are all poets so I respect your criticism.
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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A poem dedicated to Lane and that she loves is a very special treasure, thank-you so much for the entry
JaP
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I like this a lot. There is something haunting about "her mortal toes" and the sailor who got stranded.
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to read your words is truly a blessing...to see your poetry in my language is beyond wonderful. I have watched your videos over and over and I will never tire of looking into your beautiful eyes and soul. My dearest Poet...Love to you, Lane
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wow this really spoke to me! i love this! the imagery that you use is amazing and while i was reading it i could alomst taste the salt sea air and feel the sand between my toes and experience the wind on my back and ruffling my hair. the end was a surprise, and i think that it kind of ties the poem together really well. nice write!!
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Bravo
I like the lines, strong clear imagiery but have a hard time with the lack of connections between the lines. IMHO only. -
I liked this. The title realy captured my attention since I collect seashells on my home island. This was a good poem and it's cool you dedicated it to someone. I don't realy have anything to criticis on so sorry I don't have anything in mind about this. nice write and I hope all is well
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Very beautiful visuals, first of all. I love the gulls and the meaning given to the beach in this piece. Serenity and healing vibrate within the words of this poem. I would only like to point out that the word mortal in this part "her mortal toes" seems a bit...extraneous. It does not add to the poem, it makes me stop and wonder why it's there, interrupting the otherwise flawless flow of your imagery. Just a thought, it's just how it felt to me. Anyway, lovely write.
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It's an acrostic. The "earthbound" and "mortal toes" were to do with a mermaid returning to the sea to heal her hurts. Thanks for your kind comments.
Regards, Peter
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Great write!
Very beautiful poem.
Very Descriptive
Keep up the good work
-Buster
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This is really beautiful, the imagery is amazing. This poem is a wonderful dedication to my AP sister and one of the best poets alive today. Bravo!
I went to You Tube and I think you did a wonderful job with American Sign. I put the link here in case people have trouble finding it.
"She Collects Sea Shells on the Seashore"
Love,
Amera♥
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Thanks Amera. Poets like you and Lane inspire me to keep trying to write poetry.
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Great
I found your poem very good and full of subtle description which puts the reader right in the scene. It also flows very well which adds to the experience of getting lost in the place you so aptly describe. My only criticism would be the fact that it's over too quickly. I was left wanting more and felt the whole thing seemed to be wrapped up in a hurry with only half a story told. I don't think you can count that as a criticism of the poem, perhaps more of a complement, the fact that I wanted more. Enjoyed reading very much, thanks for sharing!!
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Thank you for such a prompt comment. Of course, I would like to write an epic poem for Lane but this one just turned out short and simple. Sometimes I’m inspired by a few strong images and I let the reader imagine the rest.
I will check out your poetry later this week, because now it’s late and I need some sleep.
Regards, Peter
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