Awakening from my dream,
I slowly open my eyes,
starring upward towards dark skies
what once was my passion;
now nemesis, silently winks back
Uncomfortable, cradle cramps;
rocky limbs creak as I stretch
New routine begins with inventory:
three squares of chocolate,
five soggy chips, a quarter cup of water.
Half piece of chocolate, under tongue,
I switch position, from stern to bow.
One swig of water, held in mouth,
then swallowed with intent.
Daily journal memorized,
my pocket knife performs final chore;
weak, shaky hands, make a slash,
marking another night,
lost at sea…
Author notes
http://allpoetry.com/poem/3966181
Theme...surviving being in a small rowboat at sea
I can not get the darn bg to go totally white...working on it..
my monitor went out this morning...just got back..
A contest entry
- Poem of the Week - POW - by Bear by Arkbear.
1110 points, ended February 15, 2009, 7 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
-
It's amazing how you write about this and sense of calmness from it. Like you have realized what you have to do to survive and you are set and determined to follow it through. Great write!!
-
I felt the determined survivor, not accepting defeat just calmly dealing with life right now.
I loved this poem, it is strong and gives me a sense that survival in the face of anything is hooked to the strength you have.
(bummer about the background gremlin in your PC)
-
i enjoyed this 100% and the images i got from this were awesome! I will be back to read more
-
Hello Julie -
Borders are not allowed
I hope you are carving your days at sea on the oars, which I thought you might have mentioned to give us......me.....a better picture of your plight.....give me some drama! -
Mentioning Chocolate twice is not bad.....but had you mentioned it only once.... and THEN said.......**half piece of dark sugar energy under my tonuge**.....I would have known for sure what you were trying to let your Readers see in these great visuals
I think your Format ( in 1st, 2nd & 3rd S*'s) was / are a weeeee bit off....lack of punc.'s did not bother me so much, as your Tone was enough to set your meter and Flow -
Over-all, I am glad to see this Theme penned.....I was looking for a bit more emotion from this event....it deserves to make me REALLY ponder....but lacked a tad -
Good job & God bless,
Bear ~
Title 8.0.....says nothing to me except, what it says....hmmm....yeah, that ....I would not click on this Title -
Flow 9.75....a few areas of concern is all -
Depth 9.75..depth is ALMOST enough......work it out in those 19 alotted L's -
Theme 9.95...a Theme which I am glad to see....left me without enough emotion hanging from your journey.....my heart actually wanted the drama -
Feelings 9.35..had me feeling a little left out of HOW to feel -
Grammar 9.65..wisely chosen.... VERY affective..just not enough drama for this Theme...
-Presentation 9.75...real good way to breask up S*'s....no Bords allowed though -
Uncommonness....9.90...Theme is perfect....but excecuted a tad poorly .....but only a tad -
Sit & Ponder Affect 9.3...I did ponder....but only because I wanted to feel and see more -
Ability to follow Rules 9.75...no Bords allowed -
Bears Score: 95.15
Not bad....I, believe, the Power and lack of drama hit this score the hardest -
No editing once a Judge has touched your work or until after contest closes please -
-
Great theme - not one I've seen before!
I like the detailed emotion in this - the step-by-step. Nicely done!
best wishes in the contest.
Adding your comment:
1 - 5 of 5
