Black roses,
depart,
black roses,
fall apart.
We are what we are,
tripping through windowsills,
veils of violet lace,
falling out into the sky,
the catch before the tumble.
I can see with mine eyes,
the lies tucked behind your lips,
like a child into bed,
a pillow under a sheet
So few and many
icy cold memories,
holding onto my heart
with frozen fingers.
Black roses don't feel,
they prick,
pull at heartstrings and lips,
liars and the sacred.
One by one we pull them down,
into golden lakes
of evanescent mysteries.
Never to let them go.
A contest entry
- Shine The Brightest In A Writers Sky (( Looking For New Favorites)) by HereComesTheSun.
700 points, ended February 16, 34 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Anything and Everything! [Prewrites Allowed] by Captain Amber SL.
700 points, ended April 26, 73 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
W
Comments
-
I rather like this. It has an air of vagueness about it, and the vagueness can be interpreted as mystery, which fits in well with the dark theme of the poem. It could be seen as an abstract poem, and also leaves room for the reader's imagination to go absolutely wild, and interpret the poem in so many different ways.
There are, however, a few places where the wording seemed slightly awkward to me. "Falling out into the sky, the catch before the tumble" was one part, another was "I can see with mine eyes". I love the imagery behind these lines, but I think they could be worded a little better.
I wish you the best of luck, and keep writing and improving your poetry. ^__^
Aeris Silverlight
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Positive: great poem great wording and well done with emotion
thanks for entering
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