Eve Underestimated!
So you think I’ve eaten the Forbidden Fruit?
Cast Adam out of heaven?
No, dears, and in explaining to you, I’m resolute!
You say the world was created in days, seven?
Cast Adam out of heaven?
Who? Me?
You say the world was created in days, seven?
Because of you, women are not free!
Who? Me?
I did not tempt him.
Because of you, women are not free!
You narrow minded people make me grim!
I did not tempt him,
Together we ate the Forbidden Fruit.
You narrow-minded people make me grim!
Of our sin, we were ‘both’ absolute.
Together, we ate the Forbidden Fruit.
No, dears, and in my explaining to you, I’m resolute!
Of our sin, we were ‘both’ absolute.
So, you think I’ve eaten the Forbidden Fruit?
By: Nada Adel Sobhi
Author notes
I am aware the poem is not dark.. unless you see it as such then I won't complaing or argue..
If I manage to write something else I will post it.. but .. well that's unlikely and we both know it.
I am just glad I experimented with a new form that will encourage me to use it more.. it's easy.. lol.. and had this been a different contest..you would have liked the poem or would have given me a different comment (this is mainly to Ktulu Blackwolfe)
I thought if I am to get eliminated, I might as well test my skills which have been rusty for a few months.. and might as well get eliminated with dignity.
I'll stop rambling.. enjoy..
oh can you give me a comment nonetheless even if the poem does not fit your criterion?
My Prompt:
picture: "psycho eve" by ValentinaKallias at DA
http://valentinakallias.deviantart.com/art/Psycho-Eve-111427942
Note:
I do not mean to offend Christians (I'll add that to my author's notes)
But because of the Christian belief that it was Eve who tempted Adam to eat the Forbidden Fruit.. most of European and Western Literature views women as weak, or temptresses.. usually the bad person and refer to this story..
Pantoum form, must rhyme
A contest entry
- Darkwrite Pot Luck~Round 4 by Ktulu Blackwolfe.
450 points, ended March 2, 9 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - For my friends.. prewrites needed by Riftkin.
575 points, ended April 17, 49 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites Contest by tears.of.silence.
1000 points, ended April 18, 407 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Prewrites :) Yes, as many as you like, but hell this wont be simple. by xxRainbowDawnxx.
700 points, ended November 3, 1103 entries
• next poem in this contest, • Add to finalists list, or remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 20 of 20
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this was much different than I thought it would be but it was great. you've made a 3 on this bringing your total up to 39. thanks for entering the contest and best of luck to you. kahy
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Best of luck in my contest..
This is just the first time looking at all
the poems in my contest .. please do not respond.
Riftkin
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This is well-executed, and the tone you have employed suits the theme absolutely. Wonderful job. Way to go.......
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I love it
I immediately recognized this as a Pantoum Sonnet...for I had been studying this form a while back. You can check out my "Circle of Love" to critique it...but this was great nice rhythm and flow, I found sometimes with Pantoum you have to change a few words here and there for it to make sense but you stuck strictly to form and it still sounded great. Good job and I think it is dark, talking about the forbidden fruit and all, damnation etc...good job and good luck!
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oh I didn't realized I already read this...forgive me
but still I have the same enjoyment
I like the statement 'I'm resolute!'
wish I could give more bunnies
belle -
You should know that many TRUE Christians decry the conceot that Eve is to blame for all ills. It flies in the face of personal responsibility. Eve did not MAKE Adam eat the forbidden fruit. Adam could have said no. Adam made the choice and paid the price.
Good work and quite unique. Good flow and though provoking!
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I really enjoyed this piece, and how very very true! I loved this write! Such feeling, and depth to it! A great work indeed!
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woah so very right we all have free will including Adam he chose to eat ..the real; culprit that should be despised is the snake but sadly many now worship him..that is the real reason for inequality and exploitation ....man needs to recognize the real deception ..it has afflicted woman since the beginning yet woman so many times has saved mans butt
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First of all, how are you! It's been a long time since I've read any of your stuff! Second, WOW you really have come into your own with your writing. Wonderful job! I've always loved your poetry, but I can tell you've matured in it. Really wonderful job. I LOVE this. Very different and well expressed.
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1st of all i like this poem so much i found it easy to be understood and one of my beleives is to ease the words for people this doesnt make the poem bad ..anoter thing i like the poem as a whole every word in it has a right meaning and its rhyming is good and the flow is wonderful..last thing i am a man creature and i admit that eve isnt responsible for us living here if her only sin was eating from this tree then we are doing trillions of sins everyday..and its a common sin bet her and adam which was going to happen cuz our destiny is to live here in earth and make sins and ask God to forgive us..gr8 work nada and keep it up
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You see I think eve knew she had to tempt adam making her strong and the true one that holds the power. Because of her women are strong enough to have children have a man try that. Through her "tempting" adam we were all brought upon this earth. through eve wemon were made strong. thats my personal belief on eve.
I didnt find this offensive and im Mormon. I thought that it was well written. keep up the great job.
-deadly -
Very well done.
I so enjoyed this poem. It is my belief, and I am a Christian.
I think so many of us "Christians" also have this same belief. Actually I was taught the same thing as you have written here. Although, I can see your point that not all people are taught this way. I see the defense of the woman here and the deep question portrayed. I like this form and I feel you have done well with it and picked a very powerful subject to use the form to work for you!
Nice job!
Justified Inc.
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I enjoyed this even though I am a christian. Its good that you have expressed you thoughts but please be careful about stereotyping all christians...In my personal opinion Christianity is not oppressive to women...but yeah I did lke this poem.
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Very good piece, and I totally agree. I love the attitude and the kind of sass, and the sort-of relation to that section of the Bible. God I found that boring (no offence to Christians) but I really loved this poem, especially the kind of 'argument' in it. x
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I love the attitude in it...yep they both took the bite...sadly when women are always to blame for the act.
very cool writing this is...
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This is really good, I'm glad to have read it! It makes me want to try the form, although it make take me a while to create a poem that flows as well as this one. Cheers! =)
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I'm not really a fan of repeating words or phrases, tho I realise it is the form and not you I did struggle with some of this however, some lines just didn't seem to gel with the theme for me, for example the women are not free line. The imagery portrayed is strong and holds impact, which is well done. Thanks for entering and good luck
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this is a good write from you. i wish you well in this contest that you have entered and am so looking forward to reading more from you in the very near future. viyanna rosemarie
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I must say that I am truely impressed with this. You not only wrote and succeeded in using what is my personal favorite form but I can see the dark side to this. It is subtle and very sultry at the same time.
BRAVO!
**Ktulu Blackwolfe** -
your prompt;
picture: "psycho eve" by ValentinaKallias at DA
http://valentinakallias.deviantart.com/art/Psycho-Eve-111427942
Pantoum form, must rhyme
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