She sleeps with roses on her cheek.
Her skin so soft, her breathing weak.
There is no smile to grace her lips.
Within her dream, her spirit slips.
She's walking softly on the sand
a single rose within her hand.
The waves would pull her to the deep.
Such sweet scents pervade her sleep.
The dark of night, a watery dream.
Skin like silky waves of cream.
Hands so gentle, words so mild.
One lost garden, growing wild.
A whispered wish, beloved name.
Her breath to stir a moth-wing's mane.
Her face so soft, so mild, so meek.
She sleeps with roses on her cheek.
Comments
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yeah, I think it's pretty much perfectly written. I don't really know what you could do. it reads very inspired. I'm sorry for commenting so many times but I really like it, I came back to read it again. twice.
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Thank you! That's really sweet. As you can see, I wrote this on Valentines day, and I love roses. They're really soft, so I wondered what it would be like to sleep on them. My thoughts ran away, and came back with this. I had it written in my head before I actually wrote it. lol. Thank you for appreciating it, and for your comments.
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how about "her skin, silky waves of cream."? I really don't know how to suggest this being any better, it's one of the best I've read on here in awhile.
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maybe you should put a comma in between "of night" and "a watery", it depends on how you want it to read.
this reminds me of my painting snow poem. I really like it. why did you write it? it's very beautiful.
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Wow. That was breath taking. That was pure poetry. I loved it.
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not that it really matters but I think that breathtaking is one word.
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