How could this love,
This amazing feeling,
that makes people fly.
How could it do this?
How could it break us?
How could this simple word cause so much heartbreak?
How could this word make me think of you so much?
Why?
I remember so much about you.
You hands
Your eyes
Your lips
How could this happen?
This feeling.
It was so imperfect.
So flawed.
But it was that, that made it perfect.
That imperfection, made us perfect.
We.
Together.
I'm left only with only the reflections of the memories we shared
And awkward thoughts that only bring awkward smiles.
Tell me, am I wrong to think that there is something better?
I took everything we are, and I wished upon a star,
You were there and you filled my lonely heart.
But maybe I was wrong, maybe we were meant to be apart.
You couldn't feel my beating broken heart.
But it was there.
Barely beating.
Today I wish I could rewind the clock
Will you give me a chance to explain the words
I've been trying to say for so long?
The words that catch in my throat whenever I see you
I have so much to say, if only I knew how to say it
If only I could say it to you
If only you could understand
That I love you
Copyright © Kira 2009
Author notes
Raw, Un-rhyming thoughts. Thanks for reading(:
10. Perfect imperfection
Oh noes!
A contest entry
- ~Through With Love~ by Still Standing.
1500 points, ended February 24, 41 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Better In Time by Barely Breathing.
800 points, ended March 1, 15 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - just make me cry by xkadiex.
425 points, ended March 4, 8 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Current Events.... lol by MaddCuppyCake.
400 points, ended March 18, 20 entries
Bronze trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - i need MEENING!!! by Sempre da soli.
430 points, ended June 25, 39 entries
Silver trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments? :)
Comments
1 - 30 of 30
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I read this again and it is just as powerful as the first time, I can't believe I'm still stuck in the same place that I was when I read this 8 months ago UGH...thanks for the re read!
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hmmm...
i really like this and hope to see u in the end of this contest... good luck -
I love the thoughts style of writing. It is really effective when trying to obtain emotion. And you've obtained this very well. Good job.
-I took everything we are, and I wished upon a star,
You were there and you filled my lonely heart.
I relate well here. I know this all too well.. Good job.
Thanks for entering and good luck in the contest :]
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so haunting yet so pretty
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Wow. Just wow. It does explain a lot of the feelings that you felt, and it's extremely discriptive. I'm speechless.
Thank you for entering and good luck in the contest.
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Great!This IS Lovely.It had a nice flow, but I have to say some parts seemed a little wrong that they were in that spot.But other than that it was great.
Thank you for entering.
Good luck!
*Stargirl*
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Well you know what they say, love is the most beautiful thing in the world but at some points, it's the worst too.
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WEll written shoulda won more contests lol Keep writting.
~ Chelsey -
A+
i love the raw feelings in this. all the emotion, power, and imagery..... i can relate almost too well to this. i think i even stopped breathing towards the end cuz i could see myself writing this... fabulous job!! -
This was very good but a little on the long side, your emotions showed through clearly and for that I congradulate you, very well done. Thank you for entering my contest and good luck.
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good job, i really liked this but maybe you should cut down on the lines, i won't remove it for the fact that i like it so muc... great penning... thanks for entering
love forever and always
Ciara Ann -
Not raw, rhyming or not, the emotional agony you were trying to portray came through very clearly.
It is a lovely poem Kira, well written and almost heartrending. Well done and thank you for sharing. Also thank you for kind comments on my offering.
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great poem I am so glad you entered it. Your right love is very complex. As violent as hate some times. Thanks for entering. My favorite line was:
Today I wish I could rewind the clock
Will you give me a chance to explain the words
I've been trying to say for so long?
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How could this love,
This amazing feeling,
that makes people fly.
How could it do this?
How could it break us?
Love this part. Thanks for entering. Great write -
"You couldn't feel my beating broken heart.
But it was there.
Barely beating. "
LOVED THIS!!!! Oh my gawd it was such a vivid image! Thank you so much for sharing! -
Four Letter Word (so true)
i love this title first of all! i love how you didnt try to rhyme it, didnt try to space it, just wrote. its very raw and emotional. well done. i agree with you, our imperfections make us perfect sometimes. i really applaud you for this write. really nicely done. thank you for entering my contest. good luck.
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exalent, and thank you
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Wow this was in a lot of contest
Ya know I'm pretty sure this poem could be published!
I like the way it all fits into an arrow. The words and the meaning of this poem were directly shown into the title. This is very nicely written and you're a true poet, indeed.
Good job!
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Very good.
It definitely relates to the prompt.
I liked the entire thing really(:
Great job, and good luck in the contest.
[Please put a link to your page in your AN.] -
great job. excellent. loved it... thank you for sharing.
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thanks for the comment!! and I'll change the color of the font to make it easier to read=)
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Congrats on the honorable mention. This is a great poem that i think probably anybody can relate to because i've been through the same thing with a guy not understanding what im feeling. But thank you for entering my contest.
Your Judge
Kaycee
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This is such an amazing write. I really enjoyed reading through it, well done and all the best for my contest
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Wow. Excellent write. But the first line is kind of confusing. Maybe instead of "How could this love?" it could be "How could this BE love?" It's just something to think about. Anyway, Keep that pen flowing.
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This hits all the questions that a hurt heart asks, good job.
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it feels abit cliche to me.
like when you say
Today I wish I could rewind the clock
Will you give me a chance to explain the words
I've been trying to say for so long?
The words that catch in my throat whenever I see you
i feel like it should be a fresher, more unique line than those.
best of luck in my contest. :]
btw, i have a poem i wrote last week thats called its just a four letter word. wierd, huh?
heres the link if you wanna read it:
http://allpoetry.com/poem/5038739 -
""How could this love?
This amazing feeling,
that makes people fly.
How could it do this?
How could it break us?
How could this simple word cause so much heartbreak?
How could this word make me think of you so much?
Why?""
This is amazing right here you managed to pick out what I think are the root questions about love and the hurt is responsiable for... lol i so can't spell today.. I really loved this write because I know with in my self I have left alot of these emotions. Both men and women can relate to his write, because we are all still pinned down by love and can sometimes feel the weight of the love on your hearts as it breaks them.. well penned poet!
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Raw indeed!
This is a awesome write so full of truth and pain and hurt! But mostly what amazes me about this is the truth you tell...it hurts to tell the truth sometimes but you nailed it here I love this:
I remember so much about you.
You hands
Your eyes
Your lips
How could this happen?
This feeling.
It was so imperfect.
So flawed.
But it was that, that made it perfect.
That imperfection, made us perfect
This made me think of my recent break up and choked me up a little because it is so true, how come other people can't see that!!! We were not perfect but that was the best part, looking for perfection is a waste of time and i'm afraid thats what he is doing...anyway thanks for entering and good luck to you
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Kira is this who I think it is about? It makes me so sad!!!! *huggles* but I really liked your piece! Very lovely! I luv you!
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raw and un- rhyming but, bloody fantastic! this is so meaning ful and it is the best one i have read today, as it is exactly how i am feeling. great job!!
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