I gave you a smile, you threw one my way
I gave you a girl you could quick lead astray.
I gave you my love, so you gave me some too.
Roses are red, and violets blue.
Your reticent character awed me at first
Your words, always quietly rehearsed,
were salient phrases that I failed to construe.
Roses are red, and violets blue.
You gave me hugs when I asked, but over time
I found that our contrasting hearts couldn't rhyme.
When I wanted comfort, your phrases were few.
Roses are red, and violets blue.
I felt pain; you gave me indifference then
I needed you; you gave me indifference again.
The distance between us only grew.
Roses are red, and violets blue.
I had passion; you had only apathy.
I needed you, but you didn't need me.
And finally, I ended it all with you...
Roses are red, and violets blue.
Author notes
My boyfriend's indifference towards my problems caused our relationship to end... so here, I just vent, and that's really all. so there's nothing poetic about the thing. it's just a vent, ugly, cliche, boring... but it helped me get my feelings out in a better way than smashing things.
A contest entry
- Roses are red, violets are blue... by albymyheart.
1000 points, ended February 15, 2009, 20 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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Why?
I can never understand you. You say this isn't good, but it really is. -
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cliche, ugly, boring
First, technically speaking, the meter is quite imperfect, and there is very little imagery. There are no metaphors. There's very little showing; it's mostly telling. Therefore, there isn't anything beautiful about this... hence it is ugly. And because of the lack of imagery and metaphor or even good rhyme, it's boring.
And it's cliche because it's a break-up poem with the overused "why did you leave me when I needed you the most" message, and while I tried to make the refrain line somewhat original, I doubt that anything else in the poem is, or that no one has done this before. The second to last line is the worst.
I can't see why you think this is good. It's just a vent, something that helped me feel better a long time ago when someone broke my heart. I might revise it someday and turn it into something good, but right now it's not worth much. -
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upset
you can make me feel a little down sometimes, and when you do that it makes me feel like you cannot appreciate you beauty with your words. i know i can only appreciate perhaps maybe half if not a third of my talent, but its still some. -
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of course I appreciate my talent. but I also know that none of it is here (reasons stated above). =) calm down, my dear fellow poet!
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The feelings of frustration and disappointment show through clearly in this write. I like how you have used the prompt, repeating it in the endlines. This has the effect of reinforcing the feeling that it's all over. Thank you for entering the contest...alby
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