what i see in you

It is cold out-
so I sit here inside and imagine that I am sitting on green grass up high somewhere I can look down.
I pretend that the sun is flickering on my face as the leaves  bask in the orange and yellow glow.
 
    I pull out my pen and place it on the sheet of paper-
there is so much to say, and its not that I don't have enough time, I just want to say the most important things, so that you know, again, finally or for the first time, all that I am thinking about.

      Being farther apart makes me ache a little more each day-
but my heart is slowly expanding with each beat and every thought and image of you that I play over and over in my head.

The picture is steadfast in my mind and when I close my eyes-
its as if you were sitting next to me, your hand enclosing mine, your fingers, strong calloused and warm in mine, over mine and interlacing with strength in every squeeze-- instead of the pen scratching away at the wrinkled paper.

I could tell you how much I miss you-
maybe shed a few tears, big, fat, heavy drops making holes in the paper, but you already know that, so instead, I want to tell you what I see in you, the little things, the tiny particles that bring me joy when I am around you.

Your smile-
shows me your love for people, the burden that you hold for them when they are going through a tough time, being involved in their lives and doing everything possible to get them through the deep gray haze that the world casts over their eyes.

Your persistence-
even when things are tough, slowly you work your way to the finish line and then return to help the others make their way over. Caring for others, pulling them into the circle when they could feel at their worst, or when they are dangling far out over the cliff of their insecurity.

I think of the many things that make me admire who you are-
but the one that makes my heart expand when I  look at you, is how you little by little every day, are becoming more like Jesus.

A quiet strength and strong burning light glowing all about you as you involve yourself with people, showering them with God's love and the delight that you find in Jesus. Every day, I can see you becoming more of a man-
a man after God's own heart.

        I open my eyes, wishing you were standing there in front of me-
but instead it is my room, and the shadows have deepened, light blushing on the walls. So here I sit thinking of you, praying for you, loving you.