Sometimes, I feel just like
a child behind
a window
Watching all the others play
and wishing
he could too.
Punished for some awful thing
like simply being
human
Banished from the laughter
and there's nothing
he can do.
Trying not to cry
he bites his lip
and presses closer
Every stinging breath
creating fog
upon the glass.
Captive to the powers
who control his fate
and fortune
Drowning in self pity
while the endless
hours
pass.
Author notes
this had been entered in a contest of paposzoo's about the inner child. It was #1 until the last day. I thought I had gold; then it got HM ...
A contest entry
- Let Your Inner Child be Heard (PW's Now accepted) by Paloszoo.
800 points, ended February 27, 26 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - So, You Missed Another Contest! by queenie.
1800 points, ended April 11, 18 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 10 of 10
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This is PERFECTION
The smoothest poem I have ever read, deserves some kind of Special Reward like 'BEST EVER ON ITS SUBJECT.
I could feel the anguish so strongly.
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Wow, did you ever capture this feeling. Abandoned, lonely the child needs help and knows none is forthcoming.
Keeping it simple and direct really adds a directness that reflects how a child might think. Good job!
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well hm means you didn't miss the contest but this is a very good piece and i'm proud you entered it in the contest.
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I love this hurt-felt piece of your heart. However, I think perhaps the first line should either be referred to as "he" in the third person or use "I" throughout. I thought that was the only confusing part. Perhaps you were merely looking at yourself as a third person, but it sounded funny to me.
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Emotive
Very powerful and well written. I felt your words deeply.
So stirring.
Justified Inc.
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sensitive.....poignant.......sharp...... well- executed.... !!
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Punished for some awful thing
like simply being
human
So sad. Such strong emotions in this piece. You really captured yourself well here. I sometimes feel this way myself. Thanks for writing for my contest. Good luck. I'm honored to have you show your work here.
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Aww, I like this...it's very relatable.
"Trying not to cry
he bites his lip" It has that stubborn yet vunerable childish feel to it, and the spacing you used really gets across the impression of time going soooo slowlyyyyy! Good stuff.
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The emotion in this poem is so withering. I really love the way you write. This poem leaves you thinking and some of the thoughts are the kind that make you hurt. Society is something many can't handle at all, painfully true.
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Excellent
What a powerful write. So captures the one inside. Best of luck in the contest.
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