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My Heart Is Bleeding

My soft white wings are dying
For my husband is lying
My heart is bleeding
Because I saw my husband cheating
I am an angel is what he use to tell me
Now what is my life to be
With so much pain
I do't have his love to gain
Not since my broken heart
With him I had to part
My beautiful wings are dying
Now that my tears are crying
My shadow is all around me
I just wish he could see
That my heart is bleeding
Because he is cheating.

Author notes

Feb,13<09

A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
    : , Your review:

    Comment Suggestion: What is your your first impression?
    • Line numbers  • Invite them to read
    : no Cost: 0 free left 0 points, You have (?)

Comments


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    March 5

    Edit | Reply
    Sometimes you can love someone with all your heart, but if they treat you with discontempt and cruelty you have to let them go. I did this with 2 of my exes although one I didn't love, just cared for lots but definately the one I loved as he did bad things to me and others and although I long for him sometimes I stop myself and I know it was the right thing for me to do. I am much better off now.


  • Paloszoo gold member
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    Such an emotional write. Makes me boil inside. Nice job! Thanks for entering my contest. Good luck. It’s an honor to have you show your work here!


  • echo-ink
    February 15

    Edit | Reply
    Thanks for following the prompt to a T,

    I think this would read easier if you broke it up into stanzas, just a suggestion.

  • Just4u
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    To test the validity of whether love is still there or not we can apply the
    following quote, "Actions speak louder than words." I have spoken with
    more than one woman who has been abused and when I ask why she
    is still with him they usually reply, "Because I know he love me."
    To which I reply, "Real love is not shown through a fist or an open hand,
    for actions will always speak louder than words."

    You can feel the pain through the words...

    -Eddy

    Tech: A few of words mispelled here you might want to fix those since
    this is a contest entry and some penalize for spelling and grammer.
    ::cheating, beautiful, no(w), don't::
    I used to mod on another site so I'm used to reading first drafts and
    understand how sometimes we have to hurry and get our feelings down
    before they are gone. I just fixed four errors on my own last write that
    I didn't see at first glance. This write has a certain rhymne to it and could
    easily convert to song. If you'd be intrested in something like that just
    drop me a note and maybe we'll do a little collaboration on that...