A sweltering ray of
golden sun consumes my
disenchanted heart
while others frolic
in emotional displays
of aestival ease
I'm taunted by mind beams
of mockery that pierce
my bewildered soul
restless features of disgust
arrest fleeting moments
of distraction
alluring me into a continuing
abyss of cryptic silence
and social disorder
as I wallow in demented
persuasions of agony
amidst summertime blues
Author notes
OPTION
1. prompt: aestival.
A contest entry
- you got my rhythm, i can't move without you baby. by aanika.
6693 points, ended April 11, 2009, 28 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
-
i enjoyed the ending
i think your line-breaks are a bit awkward and disrupt the flow a little bit.
for example:
A sweltering ray of
golden sun consumes my
disenchanted heart
could be:
A sweltering ray
of golden sun
consumes my disenchanted heart
-
Hmmmm
this is a side that I can definately feel you on sweetness. I loved the flow and real passion in this piece. True feelings. Good luck and keep on writing.
-PiffyLove
-
this is very powerful my friend very very well written way to express ur feelings and emotion.
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