I fought in a war
With a million guns that I could see
And a little boy in front of me
And the bullets all around
So I thought about your face again
And I thought about the dying men
I knew the shots would never end
As long as there were sons to send
The cradle didn't make them safe
And I bet back home they love us all
When we gun them down they cheer us on
It's a schoolyard game to them
Just little boys shooting finger guns
On playground battlegrounds, they think it's fun
But they don't know the ungodly sound
Of a body falling to the ground
At the fire of the gun
In the hands of some mother's loving son
Shooting some other mother's little one
And suddenly they're ten years old
But the playground battle just turned cold
And falling isn't fun like it was before
Because that was preschool and this is war
No more choices and just one last chance
To grab the little boy in my hands
The blood on his chest is a bullseye to them
And I can't let him be condemned
But what's the price of his one life?
More than every coin combined
Life can't be compared to metal wealth
And I know I'll take his bullets myself
-Andi
Author notes
-Andi
A contest entry
- ANYTHING GOES by VerminVomit.
1300 points, ended March 9, 2009, 146 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Go for the Gold by wingsofgold25.
600 points, ended March 18, 2009, 35 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - prewrites with an odd contition. by August Starlight.
1050 points, ended January 3, 61 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
GOT comments??
Comments
1 - 18 of 18
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a close friend of mine is currently in Afghanistan and this made me think of him, and also of a lot of other acquaintances who are in the war. this is marvelous, and I absolutely love this. it kept me hooked from the beginning. thank you for entering and good luck.
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Thank you for your entry
Good Luck in the contest. -
POSITIVELY AFFECTING ...
I APPRECIATE THE POETIC COMPASSION OF THE POET FOR LIFE -HUMAN LIFE.CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR THEMATIC FOCUS -AGAINST PREMATURE TRUNCATION OF PRECIOUS LIVES COMPARATIVELY IRREPALCEABLE BY IVF OR ASSISTED REPRODUCTIVE TECH IN SUCH A DENSITY AS BULLETS OR AGENT ORANGE DOES WIPE AWAY CREATIONS.GIOVANI'S MARVELLOUS WATCH OF BARBARITY BY GUNS IS WORTH CALLED A POET ANY ERA -HOW MUCH MORE IN THIS 21ST CENTURY WHEN THE MALAISE OF CHEMICAL KILLING HAS BECOME A TOY AS WELL AS AN ADULT GAME.
HOPING YOU HAVE A BOOST TO KEEP WATCHING POETIC AREAS OF SENSITIVITY LIKE THIS -YOU 'LL EVER HAVE A LIGHTER HEART AND FECUND MIND TO MUSE ON HILARITY
YOU WHO'S
A SPIRITED
COMMITTED
MOTHER OF A NATION...
-TJMUSEPAL20FEB09 -
This was very well thought out. The end was perfect. great write and good luck in the contest!
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this was kinda hard to follow, you could use some punctuation. But it was very fast paced, and i did like it. An interesting subject to write about, you did very well.
Good luck in this contest and thanks for entering
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wow... im not good at comminting on the tragic yet great poems like these... but i really loved the way this was put together
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oh my god this poem is definatley powerful like a strike top the chest i am studying war poetry right now and this poem is one of the best ones i have read, it has so much emotion in it that its practicly over flowing this is such a good wright
xx kt
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Very good and thats how i feel about war.
"But what's the price of his one life?
More than every coin combined
Life can't be compared to metal wealth
And I know I'll take his bullets myself"
This was my favorite line.
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I knew something like that was going to happen even as I wrote it. I knew the soldier was going to die for something he loved and believed it....what else is there to die for?
But it took me so long to write it, after I'd written about the soldier for so long (I worked on this for SEVERAL hours) I no longer had what originally decided to use to tell it, I don't even remember what it was. I just had this FEELING about him. Something wordless but oh so powerful and it took be about a solid hour to find a way to say it.
But thank you so much for reading it...I'm on a writing spree now about what just happened and I'm crying my eyes out from bot happiness and sadness at exactly the same time.
-Andi
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'In the hands of some mother's loving son
Shooting some other mother's little one'
Beautiful Andi. I may have cried a little bit. This is such a touching, crazy, truthful piece. You've used imagery and every word to it's full potential.
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Thank you, Auntie! It took me a very long time to write, several hours I think I worked on it and I couldn't be more proud of how it came out.
*hugs* Andi
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nice poem. so beautifuly have you express your feeling and thoughts and molded then in form of words. Great work poet.
Happy Valentine -
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Thank you very much. I had to figure out what I was thinking first, my thoughts are mixed up when it comes to writing both poems and prose. One thing means something else, characters change apperance and personality wildly but are still the same person, sometimes my poems fit to the beat of songs I listen to and sometimes the songs come out in the poems...it's all pretty mixed up. I'm just glad I can make it come out so well. Thank you for taking the time to read it.
Happy Valentine's to you to!
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Omggg! Absolutely beautiful yet really sad. I feel the emotion you put into this and I can picture it all in my head. I like how you kind of compare children playing to people fighting a war (amazing yet again) And the whole thing flows wonderfully.
Sydney
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Thank you so much!!
((And I'm working on responding to the thread....I'm thinking))
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Wow. That was absolutely amazing. Such a moving, emotional poem... you have a lot of talent. This part here was especially moving for me:
"But the playground battle just turned cold
And falling isn't fun like it was before
Because that was preschool and this is war"
The rhyming and rhythm work very well together here. Excellent work. -
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Thank you very much!
And thank you for the applause!
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