It's cold in here.
I feel the wind creeping
through these loud, old windows
slipping under my gown,
rattling me.
Could I have
just one sip of your coffee,
maybe accidentally fall in
the dark warmness,
flip and flail about
needing rescue
so you can fish me out
with your fingers,
rub me down with a towel
just right
and dare me to get cold
in the radiance
of your laughter?
In a list
A contest entry
- Fix Me Up With A Poem. by Thomas Scott.
3000 points, ended February 19, 22 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Contest Best Prewrites From February 2009 by amaranthine lover.
1125 points, ended March 12, 24 entries
Gold trophy winner
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 17 of 17
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so playful and shy, there are many ways to say endearing things, this style is very appealing, the sense of surrender to a fate, a happy fate...so very nice...PK
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What a wonderfully intimate and comforting moment described here! Such a warmth and joyful feeling in this... beautiful.
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that shounds like a better exercise than what i was thinking before i clicked in the poem, more fun. jogging around a cuppa and love. a good poem.
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Wow!
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24.2/25
loved the mood you captured here -
Beautiful piece of poetry, love the images you have created.
Splendidly written in vivid colour and taste.
Be blessed in all you do.
Tony
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oh wow..
I'll assume you meant for this to be a bit romantic, and a bit sensual, because that's exactly where my mind went!
love this beauty so full of imagery and well uhmm..heat!! ..
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The chill of alone
dares to be melted
in such a charming way
by the "...radiance
of ... laughter."
The gentle playfulness
counters the chill
that slips in...
-
I read it a few times. I think you have differnt messages in here for the readers.
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There is the romantic tone (as Goes mentioned) but I think there's another emotion going on here (that I see.)
"It's cold in here."
It can be taken literally, or , as the condition of a relationship.
''Could I have
just one sip of your coffee,''
(Could I have
a moment of your attention)
"needing rescue"...to be saved, to be seen, to be noticed...in that way.
Relationships can get cold. I've been there. I've wanted to be saved, to be seen again, to find that warmth again...in her laugh, in her (their...there have been more than one woman I've felt that with) cognizance....It didn't work, it never does, lol
Now this next relationship, I'm not letting the room get cold.
Ok, even if I read it wrong, it was fun.
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Gosh I love it so much. It's incredible! Wonderful wonderful wonderful! I've read it so many times I'm surprised there isnt a hole in me monitor. Beautiful pen.
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this is really interesting...one to read a few times.
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Oh, I loved it! It has a playful/sensual/romantic tone that made me smile.
A creative with vivid and warm sights poem.
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Oh, thanks for entering Morning Exercise in the contest. I'll be back to re-read when me temp drops under 101.
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This poem had been wonderfully crafted with the use of poetic devices.
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Oh my how brilliant. So many emotions tugged at me as I read this. But most of all I love that inspiring ending! Just beautiful.
Best wishes in the contest.
Gaylene
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wooow a simple easy but complete and perfect poem. How beautifully have you express you thought and feeling and molded then in the form of words. Nice work poet.
Be Happy
Ali
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