I'm staring at the ceiling again,
Losing count of sheep at three when your face invades a peaceful pasture.
This pillow is too soft,
give me hard wood or tiles or metal or something to beat myself up with.
That space is too clean,
Where the picture once frame captured a glimpse of a memory I try to throw away.
The alarm should sound soon,
And I will stand racoon eyed and sleepless seeking some sort of escape.
I hate that you can sleep,
Because too much is tainted and taken for my peace of my mind and rest.
I'll roll over and count again,
Just stop inruding and give me back my thoughts already.
Author notes
It's incomplete, I need suggestions, I can't figure out how to close this or which lines to change up.
A contest entry
- Heartbreak by Puking Faerie Dust.
1050 points, ended February 24, 29 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
What did you think
Comments
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ah, I know this all too well. I am going through this now, in fact. a perfect write of my feelings...lol. I really love the honesty of this piece, and that I can relate to it...well done!
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This is very good, I really like the emotion in this.
Though I would suggest in line 4, take out "up" I like the sound of it as "something to beat myself with" but that may just be me.
I have a few other suggestions if you would like, just message me and let me know. You don't have to use them, but you may want to hear them.
But again, I really love this, and it will be great (:
.xo
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Yeah I'd love any advice you have for sure!
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