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As he closes his eyes..

It occurs to me,

As he closes his eyes,

That life is just a state.

Filled with fear,

Questions rise.

What is my eternal fate?

I think of all,

I should've said,

I simply could not say.

Of all the times,

I should've said,

I love you, thrown away.

Inside I feel,

Mortality fade,

As I question what's above.

Knowing now,

Everything ends,

Like the innocence of love.

When time itself,

Is washed away.

To ashes we return.

What of my,

Eternal flame?

Will it cease to burn?

Are we simply,

Left in darkness?

Will my heart sing with pain?

Who can tell me?

What will happen?

Who calls out my name?

If I could take back,

Every second,

Every misspent day.

If I could only,

Try again.

Wash my sins away.

It occurs to me,

As he closes his eyes,

We only get one try.

It occurs to me,

As he closes his eyes,

I didn't say goodbye.

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 7 of 7

  • Puking Faerie Dust gold member
    April 13
    Edit | Reply
    I think the repitition, the colors, and the spacing are definitely unneeded. it distracted me and disrupted the flow and made it a bit confusing. The writing itself was a bit chaotic, but I still liked the overall meaning. I've thought about these things over and over again. Thank you for entering
    Jeanette*~

  • evelynxxoo
    March 28
    Edit | Reply

    so sad life is full of questions and death is so final yet we ponder more on the things we didnt say when someone we loved dies your poem made me stop and think and thats when it becomes sad for me all the things you never said or done such a waste of lif


  • xxUnSpokenxx
    February 18

    Edit | Reply
    Amazing, you did a great job with this the ending was great. i could see this being performed as well keep up the work


  • bloved
    February 14

    Edit | Reply
    This reminds me of spoken word type poetry. It is really profound and beautiful all at the same time. I could totally see this performed on stage.

  • Napoet
    February 14

    Edit | Reply

    Outstanding

    This is so poignant I don't know where to begin!! Who among us has not contemplated life and the beyond...and it's relation to us. The moments lost, wasted and not siezed upon. An absolutely brilliant write!!!! Well done!


  • August Starlight silver member
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    This is beautiful and sad.
    Usually, the whole alternating-color thing would be hard to read, but this wasn't the case here.
    Amazing. beautiful work.


  • Erik Ambrose gold member
    February 13

    Edit | Reply
    I really did enjoy this, in spite of what I usually despise, but that's aside the point. I think you over punctuate, and that is a bit distracting, making it harder to comprehend. I had to re-read it a couple times, but it was worth it. You managed to take a sentiment that is often written poorly about, and made it worth reading. Sometimes, the end of a line works well enough as a suggestion for the reader to pause, as opposed to a comma or other punctuation. I don't mean to sound like an asshole, but I'd like to offer a edited version with punctuation that I think would help. Sorry if I offend.
    I'm drunk, so ignore the ramble; the main point is that I enjoyed this.

1 - 7 of 7