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Bill and Zachary


Newborn baby
lies in hospital bassinette. 
Newborn father extends
a shakey hand
to touch his son
for the first time.


A contest entry

    I plan to revise this poem: please leave constructive criticism!
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Comments

1 - 8 of 8
  • Frances
    May 12, 2009

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    Good poem .......

    But in my opinon not long enough....It sounds like there should be more,sorry. But what you did write left me wondering alot...


  • Beautiful-N-Broken silver member
    February 24, 2009

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    Ahh... this such a sweet write. I can see the first time father, scared to death, reaching out to touch his child for the first time. So sweet! Great write!

  • ocerus
    February 22, 2009

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    I like this a lot! It reminds me of one I did recently called "These Hands" or maybe it was just "Hands." Not sure. But anyway I love what you do here portraying the father as a kind, gentle man who wants nothing more than love forhis son. Wish I could do that! - ocerus


    • Danna Hobart
      February 22, 2009
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      Thank you. The poem was inspired by a photo of my brother with his son right after he was born.


  • Freed by Mercy silver member
    February 13, 2009
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    So real. A slice of life, simple, poignant, yet brilliant in its brevity.

  • ocerus
    February 13, 2009
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    Hard to critisize this one. It just leaves me feeling fuzzy and loved. I rarely feel that now.


  • MuseStalker
    February 13, 2009

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    sweet snapshot of a moment

    You have captured one of those moments that many women hold in their hearts and mounted it like a butterfly on a page. We cannot appreciate the depth and beauty of the butterfly's wing when it is doing its work. Similarly, in the flitting of memory, we cannot fully "see" our own most brilliant and cherished moments of history. Nicely done bit.


  • xxRainbowDawnxx
    February 13, 2009

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    Awww this is so sweet. I hope that the father will be as delighted to see his little joy as I will be!

1 - 8 of 8