A Lively, Protruding, Death.
The Clash of a dime, The Change we may find, The dreams So Be nine,
The fall of what could be.
The Wrought of a child, The Scratch of a File, The Hate of the bile,
The Ravening’s of a mad Man.
But none of this compares, to the Ringing in our ear.
To the pain that we all Hear.
Each and every day.
The Fall of The man.
The Doll in her hand.
The mother that cries.
The Father That dies.
A contest entry
- Write me something by YesterdaysDreams.
700 points, ended February 18, 42 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - ANYTHING GOES by VerminVomit.
1300 points, ended March 9, 146 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Was It any good? Im new to to this Constructive Criticism Appreciated!
Comments
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Verrry nice, wow, I could never write anything like this, I absolutely adore your style!
Great write, Thanks for entering this contest and Good luck
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The Wrought of a child, The Scratch of a File, The Hate of the bile,
The Ravening’s of a mad Man.
But none of this compares, to the Ringing in our ear.
To the pain that we all Hear.
I loved this the rhyming was exceptional. Good job and good luck in the contest -
i love it. like PoeticMadness said, you should seperate the lines, but otherwise terrific job!!
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ahhhh!!! this is such a great poem in the making, its really brilliant. i suggest taking every separate sentence and move it to its own line, that would make it flow better and give it a better appearance.
each line as it is now could be its own stanza if separated correctly. other than that, you did an amazing job!
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