Somewhere, far away
the leaves are swaying as the ghost
of a breeze creeps by,
The crickets
summon the night
in their chirping sing-song voices.
A solitary dog
is barking monologue, trapped inside
the prison cells
of lawns surrounding it.
The howl
of a lonely motorcycle
echoes through its pack,
and a forest is screaming
as a mighty saw
sinks his jagged teeth into another trunk.
Far away,
Somewhere,
buried beneath this roar,
death is calling.
But death no longer calls out names:
Death just plays its pipe,
and as with the Pied Piper
we are all sleeping.
Author notes
feel free to comment
-enkou-
Written February 21st, 2004
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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very good
Hmm very interesting. I liked it to start off. Your imagery always is excellent the reader really gets a feel for what you are writing as if they are in that place. Nice twist at the end; a good way of pulling out death. As for flow of the poem it seemed a little stop/start ish to me, which could just be me, which isn't my favorite of ways to write. All in all a very good piece. No suggestions at all just my opinion. -
You know I felt many different things about this piece.. The little things in a write often call out to me.. I enjoyed the solitary dog barking as I have dog in a neighbors yard that is forever barking lol.. I wish at times Death would barter elsewhere.. Take Care and Best to you, Catressa
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HIERIE GAN OOR N PAPER WAT EK WEET VAN< DIT GAN OOr honde en kaatter van reen maar wie gee om. jou familie kom van ierland, en myne van holland. ek het reguit hare en jy krul
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The visuals that you present here are beautiful. The silence and the occasional sounds of the night have been captured well. The last three lines are stunning though the reference to a forest being cut made me wonder whether you are talking about 'Death" per se or death of a forest.
Krishna
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Staggeringly good write! You really are awesomely talented. A haunting piece. Take care and best wishes, Del.
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Rather good. A little contemplative, a little sad. Nice.
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hi Ashi I feel this is a great piece of work although i got lost a little. Keep up the good work
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John thank you for sending me hear, this is a stellar write. I hear you brother, the same death call haunts me as well. Wonderfully written.
Red -
crazily good
After reading this three times, I am not sure that I completely comprehend this poem. All I know is that it is staggeringly well done. Vague, but that is the intrigue of it. -
excellent.
Had an arm full of fussy baby earlier. Couldnt comment properly but did send some friends your way.
I will be adding this to the links on my homepage. An exceptional write.
John -
exquisite
Wow...this is absolutely amazing. I love the intircate internal rhyme that seems to be patterned - although it isn't when you really look closely. The imagery is just breath-taking.
"and a solitary dog
is barking monologue, trapped inside
the prison cells
of lawns surrounding it."
This is absolutely the most compelling poem I've read in so very long. I am off to read more of your stuff. This cannot be a fluke. You are amazing. Thanks so very much for sharing this...I am bookmarking it as soon as this comment posts.
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The tone of this is haunting with echo. Sounds that split silence and somehow seem more than themselves when they do. I like the imagery and the way this is laid out. The end is a kicker which leaves a taste on the mind..
Very well written.
~~whims -
This is a stunningly breath taking write. A sheer piece of beauty. I do much enjoyed this read.
Sam
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