Remembering Neptune
As it fell from the sky
Blue pearls wrapped in gold
a dreamer in disguise
Too scared to touch the stars
But you found me anyway
Too scared to touch the stars
As the music slowly fades
As the music fades away
Dream away Neptune
Dream another time
Fly across the sea
Hang ten on your rhyme
Catch another wave
And once more you'll find
Dream away Neptune
The stars are out tonight
Too scared to touch the stars
don't wait another day
Too scared to touch the stars
As the music slowly fades
As the music fades away
Author notes
for an old friend
In a list
A contest entry
- Can't sing? Can write? Enter your songs here! by upperworld06.
700 points, ended March 23, 71 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - You like Songs? by Darkwell.
1700 points, ended April 10, 25 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me what you think
Comments
1 - 19 of 19
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Wow this rocks
its got such beautiful flow nad visual presence 
Too scared to touch the stars
But you found me anyway
Too scared to touch the stars
As the music slowly fades
As the music fades away
i love the progression of this part the best but the whole thing has a lovely style, i would love to hear it recorded. High marks
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i can't find anything for you to really change, sorry i can't give you any constructive criticism...maybe periods and commas? not necassary, but that's all i can think of lol. nice write, kind of sad. thanks for entering and good luck
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i like this a lot
"Blue pearls wrapped in gold
a dreamer in disguise"
that's so sick I'm almost jealous i didn't think of it first hah
you should hit me up sometime or something
oh and hey do you know what ever happaned to carl? i thought about him and the old gang last time i passed by where sean's cross was and got to wondering where evyone ended up at
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Wonderful
Thank you very much.
Love,
jin
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I like it. I was thinking it in song form. Coheed and Cambria meets Tiger Army.
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Excellent
I love this! I love the lines, Fly across the sea, Hang ten on your rhyme. Very good write
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Beautiful Lyrics!!! I could imagine the acoustic playing along to these words. Well done and best of luck in the contest.
Delila
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Excellent
A very fine write. You have expressed your thoughts quite well, indeed. Thanks for sharing this one with us. -
one word
amazing.
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...yawn, good poem. I like it ALOT.
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Lovely piece and a little sad too.. Well done, I really enjoyed it!
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What beautiful lyrics! NIcely done.
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A beautifully inspiring poem, dear poet. I have a couple of my own friends that I may have to share this with.
Thank you for penning this, and God bless you richly. Best of luck in the contests you're entered in.
Zach. -
This is amazingly beautiful...
Until line 16...where you lost the beautiful rhyme!!
I love it...but if you could find the same rhythm you had at the begging...it would be Gold!
Best wishes in the contest, whether you change it or not!
Willow
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Thank you very much for the help. I fixed it, so I hope you'll read it again.
Thanks again
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i can imagine this being like a sorta andante piano song, carefully going up and down the scales. first line starting at middle C, then the next line go up an octave and the keys play with each word, going down from high C.
they're really good lyrics, and i can definitely see it being a great piano song. keep up the great work! -
This is kind of a smooth, dreamy kind of song with some beach ideas without being a beach or surfing song. Interesting idea of Neptune coming down to enjoy his domain (thought about second line - it would make it seem the planet had come down. He would make it seem the god had come down.) Can kinda picture the beach walk loving lady singing this one. Get those other verses added, lol.
Hugs!!!
Grampa
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You write well. The first lines or each stanza connected the well with the other lines making it flow. Very good wriring.
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great
this poem was great and i hope to see more like it from you. good write and keep up the good work.
Blessed be to you
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