Power and Care
Anger and Sorrow
Like a distant mirror
The sea is never distinguished
By simple sight.
Moods ever shifting
Surface ever changing
It shall never be tamed
By anything but itself.
What did you think
Comments
1 - 5 of 5
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"Moods ever shifting
Surface ever changing
It shall never be tamed
By anything but itself."
There's something about these lines that just stand out to me..don't know why...Very nice write. Keep it up.
~Kayla
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Like a distant mirror,
The sea is never distinguished.
I like these lines here, I feel the imagery is good and after reading it a second time, I really sense the ocean within that imagery.
Moods ever shifting
Surface ever changing.
Same for these lines, it gives the sense of waves.
Overall however, I feel like a lot of the imagery used could easily be transitioned over to another natural body--like a desert. Change the word "sea" to "sand" and you have an entirely different vision.
Also to take the poem up a notch, I think you could re-work the flow of it by choosing different words, the words here when spoken kind of come to a halt with each given line, which is fine. However you seem to be trying to give the sense of the more amorphous nature of the ocean, and the abrupt flow of the lines hinders that a little bit.
Again, I like the poem as is. I'm just giving harsh criticism. e_e
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you know, i acutally like this a bit. i think it's an approprite and though provoking description of the ocean, although i think the title makes it too obvious. that is what i hate most. i hate the obvious.
i think it's well written and crafted well, short and to the point. i think it could be less obvious though. -
its simply beautiful
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WOOT WOOT!!!
Verry nice..love your point of view...soo awsome..i like poems that rime..but this was awsome..alot of stong things to say..and the imagry soo powerfull..and the FEELING!
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