As I walked beside the water, feeding ducks and skimming stones,
I was whistling to the weather and the winter wind that moans.
Dreaming dreams of summer sunshine with you walking by my side,
In a land across the ocean, on the beach above the tide.
There was snow across the treetops and the ducks weren't fed by crowds
And the sun was weak and wat'ry as it peered between the clouds.
But my dreams were warm and balmy, filled with ocean breeze and spray;
As I walked beside the lakeside on that chilly winter's day.
Slowly strolling over hilltops feeling icy winds that try
To assault the lonely walker and bring teardrops to his eye.
I was not a whit distracted from the dreams that filled my head
Of a walk in summer sunshine where a foreign sheep track led.
With the views of snow-filled valleys like some massive Christmas card,
I was lifted to the heavens, though the climb was rather hard,
But my dreams were filled with walking on some lazy summer hills,
And the thought of you beside me was a cure for all my ills.
In the woods of winter magic, where the trunks are ghostly souls,
I was walking in the snowscape dreaming dreams of happy goals.
Of a land of forest flowers and a smell of warming pine
With my arm around a lover who has whispered that she's mine.
All the days of winter beauty fade like visions meeting dawn,
As I dream of summer sunshine when perhaps I shall be born
In a life of sweet renewal, and a second chance to be,
Just the sweet contented poet that I think is really me.
In a list
- Rhyme and Meter Workshop group list • next in list
A contest entry
- Seasons by poster.
400 points, ended September 15, 8 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - -SPING/SUMMER/WINTER/AUTUMN-season contest-PW allowed- by Heva Feva.
675 points, ended October 15, 59 entries
Honorable mention
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Favourites only by Moonlit dusk.
400 points, ended October 19, 23 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Please tell me honestly what you think, good or bad.
Comments
1 - 98 of 98
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excellent
This is beautiful
Love the imagery in this poem
Congrats on the Honorable Mention
I would of given you gold
I just posted a new one not good at free verse
Hope you drop by and give it a read
Hugs
Susan~~~
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Bravo! This is exactly the type of poem I expected from you. You are one amazing poet!
I liked these lines:
All the days of winter beauty fade like visions meeting dawn,
As I dream of summer sunshine when perhaps I shall be born
good luck with all other poems
you are excellent but i can't put this in better words
Thank you for sharing this awesome poem! Very romantic.
not good, again.
FINNOMINAL.
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Wonderful feelings evoked by this! I walked alongside and felt the icy winds and teardrops! Such beauty within the lover's wood. It cures all the ills! Thank you for sharing such a soulful write.
Bravo... I applaude thee Sir Jeff!
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This is a fantastic write. I enjoyed the contrast between the cold enivroment and the dreams of the wonderful summer far away with the one you love. Thank you so much for sharing. Good luck in the contest.
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this poem had all the right beautiful feelings to it
its a place in life where we never want to leave.
i am so happy that i found your poetries
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This is so cool! I really like this bit:
"As I walked beside the water, feeding ducks and skimming stones,
I was whistling to the weather and the winter wind that moans.
Dreaming dreams of summer sunshine with you walking by my side,
In a land across the ocean, on the beach above the tide."
Congratulations, you are a finalist!
Thank you so much for entering my contest, I love your poem! Good luck...
-heva
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Melting
With these lines my heart melted,
In the woods of winter magic, where the trunks are ghostly souls,
I was walking in the snowscape dreaming dreams of happy goals.
Of a land of forest flowers and a smell of warming pine
With my arm around a lover who has whispered that she's mine.
All the days of winter beauty fade like visions meeting dawn,
As I dream of summer sunshine when perhaps I shall be born
In a life of sweet renewal, and a second chance to be,
Just the sweet contented poet that I think is really me.
WOW, what a wonderful write I just absolutely love it very beautifully penned. It flowed wonderfully and the rhyme was wonderful I loved the form. Don't change a thing. Blown away best wishes in the contest and keep the pen flowing,
masterfully done!!! -
Well practised poetical technique though perhaps somewhat tongue in cheek causing one to wonder in respect of the last line
"Just the sweet contented poet that I think is really me."
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extremely well written
Like a waterfall..every line falls where it's meant to..beautiful..visual...an epic. I will learn from reading you today.
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the flow in this is stunning... the wording is soooooo uplifting, serene and beautiful. gorgeous,
hugs,
georgie,
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This reminds me of walks with my lover...thanks Jeff for a lovely reminder and a lovely poem....Lu
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oh woah, this is incredible. the rhyme flows PERFECTLY, never seems forced...absolutely amazing write. i love it.
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This is truly a wonderfully written piece that speaks so much and shows one the land of which you speak. Beautiful verses that create a peaceful journey for your readers as they walk with you. You made me feel the cold and the chill, showed me the lonely tracks where feet trod before you...let me hear the sounds of life around you as you ambled across the land encountering the splendor of nature at its finest. Yes, One can describe this piece in so many ways and say so many things, but the beauty of it all rings in the images that you placed upon my mind and the peaceful serene feeling you gave me. A piece that was so welcomed just before bed and now I can sleep with this beauty in my head. Thank you so much for sharing this masterpiece.
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My kind of poetry
I loved the flow and balance and the wonderful expression of the author.."Dreaming dreams of summer sunshine with you walking by my side". That takes me back to places I'd forgotten, wonderful memories of sometimes mundane places but all the different because of a special person...Loved it...Dan
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oh man
83 comments and all well deserved..what can i say...nothing..so i will just bow to the master..keep well my friend
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breathtaking
Such a beautiful romantic picture you have so finely crafted with your voice and quill.
This was as much relaxing as a warm soft bubble bath on a cold winters day.
Very soothing and i like the sweetness.
Your rhythm was great.
Your friend,
~Lisa~
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Beautiful descriptive poem. When out walking on our Sussex downs I wish I could capture the feeling that I feel when looking at the countryside spread out around me.
When I was young I read these words in a magazine and they've kind of haunted me ever since.
Tears idle tears I know not what they mean, Tears from the depth of some divine despair Rise in the throat and gather in the eyes, when looking on the happy harvest fields, and thinking of the days that are no more.
Tennyson I think. Great read I enjoyed.
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lovely
A verbal walk in nature. Breath taking imagery and flow. Enjoyable read.
cerulean
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excellent~
Beautiful
I really enjoyed the imagery in this onee
That is what I try to put a lot of in my nature poems
Hugs
Susan~~~
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"I was lifted to the heavens, though the climb was rather hard,"
"But my dreams were filled with walking on some lazy summer hills,
And the thought of you beside me was a cure for all my ills."
"Just the sweet contented poet that I think is really me." 
Awww! You make me want to hug you and hold you.
This is a lovely, reflective and wistful piece with strong romantic overtones. I like the almost meandering flow and the unexpected (for me) ending couplet.
Nice work, Jeff!
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Housebound, this took me right outside
Needed this read to be unbound
But I have one to fill my need
A wife who is always around
But this poem took me right outside
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Wonderful.. the lonely walker.. i am hushed. Thanks
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hey this is a wonderful epic poem
it is so long but you managed to make the lines rhyme
you have talent
the imagery is fabulous
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Relaxing easy read
Nice job Jeff. Thanks for sharing Rick
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This is beautiful. It's full of imagery, and the rhyme and rhythm are nearly perfect. I love the contrast between the two seasons. Awesome Job!
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You create the most amazing imagery in your work
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i have missed reading your work...wonderful!
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Awww, this is so dream like and romantic. Just wonderful. The rhyming and rythm is amazing by the way. Beautiful poem!
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Awesome
Very romantic, loved it!
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Two words: You're good :-)
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Straight-forward
I keep suggesting metre and rhyme tto people, and then when I find it..after a feeling that is was a little anodyne, really liked it. Will carry on looking for cricket!
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lovely feeling of seasons and love. I love your writting
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BOY I love the nature in and of your poem. Ya we feed the ducks its pretty cool. well I am glad the ducks here has their duck pond. And they are fed.
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amazing,,,WELL WRITEN,,very nice,,i hardly read on allpetry anything that creative and beautiful
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Oh I really really like this!!
Beautiful rhyme and so romantic!!! ♥
I'm sharing this link with all my friends!
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A fine poem.
Your artistry is a joy. I was enchanted with your imagery, thank you for such beauty.
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Very, very good!! I am skimming through poems and poets that I haven't read yet, looking for my favorites. You are definately on the list!! Love your work!
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This is another really clever poem, with the effortless rhyming flow, that is so unique, I would know your work, un signed anywhere
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Superb
'tis a very fine write, indeed. You have expressed yourself quite well. Thanks for sharing this one with us.
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All the beauty of creation sing...through your words, wonderful imagery...especially since I want to go walk the beach and hear the ocean. Delightful read. Blessings.
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Pleasant
This poem meanders along, and, to a degree, takes me along with it. It's not terribly introspective, there's not a lot of hidden meaning. It's a dreamy, lazy, happy poem (dream shows up eight or nine times, I didn't count exactly). The mood and tone match the rhythm and the language, and the poem succeeds.
(Spelling correction, stanza 2, end of line 4 should be led rather than lead.)
A couple of the lines seem a bit contrived, just to get rhymes into the right place. "...the winter wind that moans" and "...the ducks were glad to feed/ the sun so weak and wat'ry that it lacked the heat we need." The sun so weak and wat'ry is such an interesting and fresh image that it's a shame to have it end with a sort of lame construction for the sake of a rhyme.
While the rhythm is consistent (xx/x/x/xxx/x/x/), it's also a bit sing-song. This works well for most of the poem, but toward the end where you want to make a serious point, the rhythm carries us straight through, with a bit of a yawn. You can avoid that rather easily by adding a spondee, removing a syllable here or there and/or adding punctuation in the last lines. For example:
All the days of winter beauty fade like visions meeting dawn,
As I dream of summer sunshine when perhaps I shall be born
in a life of sweet renewal — a second chance to be
that sweet contented poet, one whom I was meant to be.
That's just an illustration, I'm not suggesting it's better, but it brings the reader to a halt on the key point of the poem, rather than letting the poem sort of trail off.
If your idea was to have a rambling poem that sort of saunters across the brain and leaves the reader in essentially the same place, you've succeeded. If you want to carry the reader along with you to that higher plane of understanding, I think you can polish this poem a bit to ask more of yourself and your reader.
~Epistomolus
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As you note in your final paragraph the poem is intended to be a relaxing and gentle meander, I can't agree with your suggestion of adding a spondee because to me there are no two beat feet in the poem, I read it as pure tetrameter.
Your suggestion, to me, brings the reader up short not on the point of the poem but on the discordance of the meter (and what would be for me very unnatural language)
Where you are right is I ought to punctuate it. On the whole I do not punctuate my poems, but I think this is merely because I only hear them not see them, I always read poetry as though I were reciting it aloud and I make the totally unjustified assumption my readers have heard me read it.
I am always grateful to those who take the time and trouble to read in detail and make suggestions, I shall look at punctuating this and to look at the lines that appear contrived to you
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Always feel free to ignore my suggestions!
I'm just like anyone else: doing the best I can at my current level of development. If nothing else, my poor suggestions can help you to feel more certain about the quality of what you've already written.
I often try to come up with lines that demonstrate what I'm talking about, rather than just saying "you should change that." But I'm just dashing them off: I wouldn't expect anyone to take anything I suggest verbatim, or to make a change at all. These are just examples for the sake of discussion.
~Epistomolus -
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But I've changed the ducks
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I understand that, I do it to, but rather than just say "no" I am trying to argue back
My answers, like your suggestions won't always be right I'm look at all suggestions and criticisms and try to weight them against the poem. In the end the poem needs to be in my voice for me to be happy with it so I very rarely adopt others suggestions unchallenged. Here though I am adding to that an element of "teaching the teacher"
I do see what you mean about the meter and I try to avoid overly metronomic meter, but I prefer to vary the intensity rather than the actual beats, there are very many good poems on AP ruined for me by a belief that pure IP is boring, it isn't, same for any meter. I'll vary the meter any time it makes the poem seem better, but I would tend to look for other devices to draw attention to places, alliteration, internal rhyme or an unusual word for instance. This is merely stylistic and I accept that for others a meter change would be more natural and a happier way to achieve the same goal
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Then we agree.
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This is stunning. The rhythm and meter are flawless, and a lesson in how metered poetry should be. I am in awe of your writing.
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I am thrilled when people like the meter of these poems, it is a rhythm that really floats my boat, but I am worried by anyone in awe of my writing, I am a new boy here!
Thank-you for the very kind comment.
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sweet
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i loved it. (:
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As I strolled across the hilltops feeling icy winds that try
To assault the lonely walker and bring teardrops to his eye.
beautifully done....feelings came through well
7 of 10
cheers
abybaby -
sweet content
very picturesk i felt the wind and smelt the pungent aroma of the pines.sweet piece my friend i shall read you more often.you walk not alone!
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It paints a good picture
I think the best aspect of this piece is that its well written and like I said paints a good picture. Has a nice warm feeling to it and is probably something at least a decent amount of people can relate to. Good work.
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Classic poetry-perfection by Cricketjeff, clearly displayed here. I read down the comments list, then scrolled back up for a twice-over and didn't find any awkward word placement so I assume you ironed them out. Thanks for sharing this enchanted piece of love and nature!
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Incredible!
You make clear, useful rhymes seem so easy. [but I know from experience they are not!] Your intertwining of the two seasons reminded me of making an "easter braid" bread roll with my Mom when all 8 of us were still at home. She repeated a rhyme as she did it, though it had nothing to do with braiding. Wish I could remember what it was. If I jog her memory [she's 83], I'll be sure and share it with you.
Write On!
jIM
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amazing rhyme
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Interesting imagery
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Very well written~
I really enjoyed this poem a lot...The ending is great, the meter and rhyme is great...(And I don't have faith that many poets these days can rhyme)
"As I strolled across the hilltops feeling icy winds that try
To assault the lonely walker and bring teardrops to his eye."
and
"In the woods of winter magic, where the trunks are ghostly souls,
I was walking in the snowscape dreaming dreams of happy goals."
Were my favorite lines...Although, I do believe in the second line of the second stanza, it would need a comma instead of the period...Seems the idea continues past "eye"
BRANDON
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loved it, your panache for rhyme is inspiring.I could imagine this set to music it almost sings as you read it.
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Oops! I have already read this, and, yes, I still absolutely love it! and still no one can write like this--save one...and this is you!
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I love writing about seasons so I found this to be a great write. I love the intertwined feeling of both seasons, it's unique. Great rhyme-scheme too. All together it was a fantastic piece of work.
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wow!
I thought I would see the latest. so glad I did. this one speeks to me Jeff. It is so well written as always impecable rhyme, and the imagry on this one takes me there. then not to leave out this wonderful flow this poem sings as it rolls off the toung. Very nice to read aloud. Have agreat day Bro. Nic P.S this Nicsnowdemon in your notes is my 14 year old son. A good poet who does not yet know it.
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thumbs up
wow that is good wish i could rime that well
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Sounds wonderful. Spring is in the air.
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Such a sweetness in this write, lovely rhyme, time, gentlesness. Aaaaarrrrhhhhhh.
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Awh this is cute great write again, from a great poet. Keep writting, never stop.
~ Chelsey ♥ -
Wow, I just love these types of rhyme.
I hope that I can evolve into this type of talent and skill.
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Now this ...
is far better than that other one. We're talking light-years here.
You might want to remove the "a" from "lead" here:
Of a walk in summer sunshine where a foreign sheep track lead.
Otherwise, this is an excellent job.
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Addictive
Now this is beautiful poetry. Wonderful rhyming. An absolute pleasure to read. Excellent! -
I love this expertly crafted poem. It is very Frost-like!
The only line I had a tiny issue with (and it is a tiny issue) was line 3 -"Dreaming dreams of summer sunshine when I'd walk beside your side." I don't like the repetition of "beside" and "side" so close in the line.....Also, I personally perfer that each line is not capitalized when the sentence is continued from the preceding line.
Wonderfully done dear poet!
- joanne -
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Always good to look back after a time, an alternative line ending was obvious today, thank-you for drawing me back to it.
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I have looked for a better end to that line, not come up with one yet
On the capitalisation it drives me nuts when formal poets don't so I guess we'll have to agree to differ
Thank-you for the extremely kind comparison
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That is perfect - the alliteration from line 2 now filters into the end of line 3!
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I am in love with this! It's so enchanting! I love the alliteration and the repeated phrases and the rhymes and the rhythm and the pictures you painted and...gosh darnit! I loved all of it!
It was easy to read and held my attention right to the end! Normally I'm put off with writes like this.
Loved it!
Dari xxx
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Lovely job, Hon.. The flow is so effortless, your rhyming impeccable. And reading it sure makes me long for warm summer strolls along the beach..
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I do enjoy the flow of rhyming poetry
Free verse simply cannot give the same effect
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Voice of Tranquil Peace
Darling I admire a man that can make rhyming seem so effortlessly you gift rich depth to your post. You both surprise and delight this playful cadence sublime.
As I walk along your path feeling the winters chill against my back. I spied the splendor of winter’s brilliance darling through your eyes where sunshine of summer thoughts intrigue.
I spied your heaven out of the corner of my sky. There you thread a voice of tranquil peace embraced in loves soft richness for all that nature surrounds even as we nurture our own hearts.
My heartfelt thank you for this most exquisite post you rendered me a maker of daydreams today for this I gift I am pleased. Most Lovely Post…
Lady E
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Very well Done!
The rhyme in the poem is simply wonderful! -
I really like the rhyme scheme on this one. The sentences flow nicely together and it's a very nice story. Great write! Thanks for the entry!
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I feel Like I had just lived a portion of my life all over again.
And it also is one of my favorite subjects to write about. and I love good rhyming Poetry as is most of my work .
I like poetry that makes you feel like you are a part of it.
And this just pulled me right in The flow was so smooth and the Rhyme didn;t seemed forced at all.
An excellent write.
ED. -
Wow, a rhyming poem I like.
Like the verdict says, I'm dazzled. A poem that sounds as if it was MEANT to be rhymed, and it didn't sound forced at all. It... wouldn't have sounded the same without the rhymes, and it suggested a balance, clarity, and serenity. Thanks for writing it, I might actually enjoy life now.
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Thankyou for that, it's given me a broad smile this morning, I sympathise with your comment title when I find a free verse I like
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I liked it.
i enjoyed this..it was fresh and contained a peace...that i wish my own writting had...yes..yes it was good!
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I enjoyed this stroll through seasons surrounded by mother earths display of beauty from oceans to snow filled valleys. The imagery is wonderful and life like. Ty so much for sharing.
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I was lifted to the heavens, though the climb was rather hard, But my dreams were filled with walking on some lazy summer hills, And the thought of you beside me was a cure for all my ills.
never is what we are seeking an easy task. you have written this very well. thank you for sharing this with me today and i am looking forward to reading more from you in the near future. i wish you the best of luck in this contest that you have entered. viyanna rosemarie
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Perfect meter, a perfect poem, no one can write like this any more--save one. I absolutely loved it!
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That is much too kind
Thank-you so much
Jeff
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This is a great write. The last stanza seemed to make this two poems. I was reading along and everything sort of changed.
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nice
I like the part where you skim stones in the duck pont. I also like where you say lifted to the heavens. It was a pleasure to read.
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This is truly beautiful. Creating such amazing images in my mind. Your words are enchanting, and the flow of this poem is like gentle waves.
It is so well written.
Thanks for sharing.
Keep writing,
Holly.
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Gorblimey you've done it again.
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Rather depends what you think I have done!
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"it"
Count the bunnies. -
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ah!
that
oh!
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"dreams were warm and balmy"--nice! Your poem is sweetly flowing like the waves of the ocean. You have penned yet another perfectly beautiful love poem.
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The beach above the tide This is great.
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this is beautiful. what a wonderful way to spend an afternoon in the weather. whoever she is, she is lucky, lucky woman,
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Beautiful piece.
Pure poetry by a fine poet.
Love
Passions
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