Not a Poem

1. What's your name?

Real or AP?


2. Whats your favorite color? (Black is not accepted)

Forest green



3. Whats your favorite thing to color?

Mandalas-they are good for meditation



4. How old are you?

52



5. Are you from Turkey?

Nope, Montana



6. What would you do if I told you I were a lesbian?

And I should care why?  If your my friend, your my friend



7. What is your impression on Futons?

Love them



8. What do you think of Low-Fat Milk?

It isn't real milk, besides I drink soy



9. How much more water would the ocean have if it didn't have sponges?

Same amount, they only soak up water when they've died.



10. Why do psychics ask your name?

So that they know they have the right person the spirits are talking about, duh!



11. What's your definition of a biff?

Head first into the ground.



12. What's your definition of a taint?

Contraction, as in: I taint gonna tell you again. Anyone from the Midwest or the South knows that.



13. What's your favorite T.V. show?

Situation Room or AC360, it's a toss up


14. Would you ever find yourself to be in love with Bob Saget?

ewww



15. After eating do Amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?

Nah, they might dry out.



16. The Scarecrow got a brain, Tin Man got a heart, Lion got courage, Dorothy got home, what did Toto get?

To go back to the farm?


17. Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?

No, they're an acrylic compound.



18. Can fat people go skinny-dipping?

Can and do



19. Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?

Doubtful, they're in to making money.


20. Do vegetarians eat animal crackers?

Silly question.



21. Have you ever wondered?

Of course.


22. Who opened that first 'oyster' and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't 'this' look yummy!"

Someone who was crazy!



23. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?

Who knows.



24. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?

Because racist already had a definition.



25. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?

Because they would be inundated with lottery requests, duh.
They're psychics, not stupid.



26. Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong?

A moral question.



27. Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?

To show that it isn't cruel and unusual punishment?




28. Why do they call Wednesday hump day, when most people get laid on the weekends?

A modern term to make the weekend seem closer.



29. If your car says Dodge on the front of it, do you really need a horn?

Yes, unless you want to be sued.




30. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?

To prevent lawsuits and because it isn't a strip bar.



31. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say "hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?

To admit that you have a problem.


32. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?

Because, until the invention of the stethoscope, they were uncertain
about death and they did not want the undead to walk about.


33. Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?

Semantics




34. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?


Latin or Greek



35. Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"

Its from the early middle ages?


36. Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?

So that they did not offend the sensibilities of a sexually repressed 1930's audience.



37. What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes?

Blessings upon you?


38. What do people in China call their good plates?

I don't speak Mandarin.



39. Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?

Until the 50's it's doubtful they knew what they were, besides meat is expensive there.



40. If Barbie's so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?

It's called marketing.



41. Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?

Because that is what they do.