Your pale, illuminent skin,
your golden eyes and perfect features-
surely you cannot be human?
Loving me cancerously - you are my heroine and I am an addict.
Killing me romantically - with all the lustful pain that you inflict.
Every night with you is like an eternity with the undead, your skin is cold.
But when your edges soften, my body becomes your coffin.
Deeper and deeper, until we are one.
Lay your nest inside me, infest me!
Lustful screams - my sweet lullaby.
You are my incubus and I am but a mere girl.
Author notes
I am in the group Night Terrors. Username Catacomb.
A contest entry
- What Kind of Monster are you?? by Night Terrors.
400 points, ended April 15, 2009, 11 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 16 of 16
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I think it wouldn't let me know your name till after I judged the contest. I'll send you your points.
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Good One
Ok I can't give you any points for this until you let me know your username. I need to add your points to the monthly contest. It won't affect in any way the judging, but I can’t give you credit until I verify your name. Also I can’t give you your bonus points. You can send me an IM with your username if you don’t want it posted here.
On your poem. I think this was a very sweet sensual write. I think it had a lot of emotion for such a short little poem.
The positives:
Great emotion and imagery in this I really felt connected to your characters.
The Negatives:
Well sometimes you rhyme and sometimes you don’t. I was kind of confused by the style as well, but other than that nothing major.
My favorite Part:
Lay your nest inside me, infest me!
Lustful screams - my sweet lullaby.
You are my incubus and I am but a mere girl.
This was a very great bit of poetry I really enjoyed reading it.
Overall:
Thanks for entering the contest, and I hope you Im me to get your points. If you want to wait until after the judging that is fine as well. Just send the name of this poem and your username. I give this poem a 4/10. Thanks so much for entering I hope to see you in future contests.
~*~Apathetic Poison~*~ -
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This is one of my early writes, and I agree with your critique. It is not worth points either, but I am C a t a c o m b (my username)
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This is one of my early writes, and I agree with your critique. It is not worth points either, but I am C a t a c o m b .
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a good dark and twisting piece of poetry that sets the tone of the poem right away, the power is electric in its intensity.
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Thank you so much for commenting, I really appreciate it.
I thought this poem was long forgotten. You made my day, thanx.
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Very nice I love your play on words
Makes me want to scream in xtc -
You write a shudder down my spine!
And this is not my genre, but I read your author's page and I understand ...
Well, welcome to my world! I am from George and we South Africans do know how to write in English, don't we?
Is jy Afrikaans? Of Engels van moedertaal? Laat my asseblief weet.
Baie dankie dat jy my werk lees/Thank you so much for reading my work. I appreciate it sincerely.
Kindest Regards
Myra
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YEAH SOUTH AFRICA!!!
HEAR HEAR! We do lol. Im so glad to find more Saffs here. I was beginning to thing I was alone. Guys add me please. Ons wonderlik suid afrikaanse digters! Ek wou a ietsie in afrikaans skryf, maar ek sukkel a bietjie. Dink jy ons kan collaborate? Laat my asseblief weet dames. -
My huistaal is afrikaans maar ek het engels eerste taal ook op skool...so dis heeltemal bi-lingual. Ek bly in pretoria.
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Aaah thanx, but i feel like an idiot!!! Jeez, i was in class while i was writing this poem on my phone and -ofcourse- i didnt read the fine print. I hope this doesn't clasify as a 'vampire' poem, because an incubus is actually a mythical creature/demon and they don't suck blood. 0.o. I'm such a blonde. Apologiez!!!
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lol... its still good though
i didnt even realize that while i was reading this...
haha
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Do you think I should rather just remove it?
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from the contest or the site? from the contest no! and from the site no! lol... i just re read it and it doesn't seem like a vampire poem that much... i think its fine as is
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Aah then I'll take your advice. Thanx.
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this is amazing!!
"Your pale, illuminent skin,
your golden eyes and perfect features-
surely you cannot be human?
Loving me cancerously - you are my heroine and I am an addict.
Killing me romantically - with all the lustful pain that you inflict.
Every night with you is like an eternity with the undead, your skin is cold.
But when your edges soften, my body becomes your coffin."
i lovelovelove it
good luck in the contest
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