Hold my hand
would you stand with me
in this world of forever?
Take from within,
what you can't live without
the blood of innocence to share
in this world of forever
skin as cold as ice
leaves a trail of fire
sweat soaked body
fuled by your desire
slide yourself deep inside
and feel the pulse of forever
In the body who's life you stole
block the thoughts of what you crave
say goodbye to the life you made
and embrace the arms of forever
witness perfection carved into marble
the image of what you'll be
hold my hand
will you stand with me
in our marble eternity?
a body who's life ebbs away
a pulse that slowly fades
a pale angel waiting in the wings
as a new life is made
re-emerge from the fire and flame
and forget the ties you had to sever
walk into the diamond sunshine
and into the arms of forever...
Author notes
Slightly weird, at first I didn't know what I was writng then I kinda thought it was somewhat twilight inspired. I'm not sure if it makes sense but let me know what you think 
What did you think
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
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The imagery is great.Sounds like dark romance,mixed with lots of passion to me.I also like "marble eternity".In one of my poems I created "scarlet eternity".Favorite stanza-is the 1 one.
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it's really good.
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an awesome write jailyn! i loved it! the imagery in this piece was absolutely amazing! it was so heartfelt; the repetition of the word forever was also amazing; you captured one of the points in the twilight saga: forever. forever would i be yours, forever would i stand by you and protect you...it was just awesome! the flow was great and unique. the only thing was, you spelled fueled wrong. but other than that, this was an excellent write!!! thanks for sharing this piece and keep up the good work!
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An intresting write. You have added excellent imagery in this piece and I found that it flowed nicely. Thanks for sharing it with us Jailyn.
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One typo... fueled
You captured beauty, love,confusion and many other emotions, making this an excellently penned creation!
Very moving and provoked feelings within in me (and I am not a fan of Twilight LOL).
This poem suits many different "lists" and is really excellently excuted!
Great job!
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thanks so much for your comment! it was very much appreciated. I didnt even see the typo! I will fix it up lol, i can't stand them! don't know how i missed it
thanks again!!
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i really liked how you repeated the word forever. i think thats a big part in the twilight series. thank you for putting up your poem on here it was really good.
kaycee
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its lovely, intense. i quite like the repetition of forever...
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i liked the first and last stazas the best myself. it is rather intense. nice poem.
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its lovely, intense. i quite like the repetition of forever...
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You use the phrase "world of forever" twice in the first stanza, and the repetition doesn't work so well there.
Wait...let me guess, before I scroll down to Author's Note...is this based off Twilight? I knew it. -__-
Well, aside from that, I have to say it's not bad. -
I really enjoyed reading this, strong images, very haunting. I didn't think of twilight at first, but I can completely see it now that you've said it. Must say I have mixed feelings about that book, enjoyed reading them, but I can pick many bones over the writing and the characters. I think it's just too light for a vampire story, and I didn't like the extremely happy 'ending' to the fourth book. Anyway, that's a different point. Yes, I very much liked this, the only thing I would say is punctuation and capitalisation. Other than those two things this was a very good write and interesting to read.
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hmm...really great
i loved the imagery in this, especially the last stanza...some great flow
didn't seem to forced at all...really nice
i could relate to this...dunno why or how but somewhere i was like "wow i relate to this" lol
thanks for sharing
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