We cut him out this way
Like a precious cloth.
All of my love into every stitch
All of my life
for that love
But this, our aim
Now,
I DESPISE OUR GOAL!!!!!!
We worked so hard
She, He and I
And made him a great young man
Now,
He leaves to live his life
He tears my heart as he goes
But he has no malice
He is doing just as we prepared him to do.
He will do it well
This
I know!
They say only women have ‘empty nest syndrome.”
I feel I have “empty soul disease.”
It feels terminal.
For so long
I was “Locke’s father.”
Now I am just me, and with she…we
As we were, 18 years ago.
It’s tough to pull a knife
From your own heart
and find
Only YOUR fingerprints on the hilt
The day I knew of has come
College: danger and discovery
The distance vast
The pain copious
1000 miles seems half a world away
But I knew when I started
If I did it right
My world would crumble away
The doctor told us “no real chance to have a child”
“One in a million”
Our odds came in on July 4th 1990
Our “One in a million” was 8 pounds, 10 ounces
Now, at 6’1” 240 pounds
Our “one in a million”
Becomes
“One OF millions”
Author notes
this hurts so badly!!! I would love to speak to someone with experience in this...sorry to be so EMO and angst ridden. My heart is JUST hanging on. The tears... are not so invisible.
A contest entry
- I WANT ANYTHING! by Umi Juvariel.
4300 points, ended April 9, 369 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest - Best Prewrites! by movedon.
1750 points, ended May 8, 363 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
Comments
1 - 13 of 13
-
excellent
Really loved this and can totally relate wish you the best in the contest as I think you will know it takes reality to move the world. I am also sadden by this shocking thing we call death and for some it is easy to move on but for others it takes a lifetime to even except the ending is defeat you can't change death but death can change you!! Thanks For Sharing this poem!!!
-
Ah, when your child goes out on their own. It is indeed a very painful feeling. Excellent write and good luck in my contest.
-
I like it... captures the dual nature of the situation. You like that he's going on with his life and onto college, but yet you feel like you're losing a part of yourself. I like the style... direct, yet well-said, and free-flowing
-
strong
profoundly sensitive. "Locke's father", great. hell, i wish i wrote that. to give up yourself and give all to a child is a true and beautiful sentiment. i am in your shoes only my children are considerably younger and i too will face your lot. sounds like you did a good job with your tall and powerfull kid. i am proud to have read your poem. you are a strond writer. well, well done.
all the best,
kevin o'connor/ui'connabhair
-
This is really good. I do know how you feel. When my youngest left home I felt lost. She was attending school in our hometown but she'd moved out of the house. She lived less than 10 minutes away but it felt like she'd left the planet because I couldn't go into her room at night and watch her sleeping or place my hand on her to check if she was breathing(something I constantly did when she was little). I had to admit that she was all grown up. As you said in your poem, I'd accomplished what my job as mother was but at what cost? On the one hand I wanted to pat myself for a job well done, on the other I just wanted my baby girl. So don't feel bad for being emotional. This just shows how good a dad you are and, I applaud you for this.Few men will own up to your emotions.
-
Powerfully and creatively written work...I have only one son...and I know how you feel....All the emotions associated with being a mom and that nest egg syndrome are here, plus what I can associate with ....childlessness, and then pregnancy and then a loss....our son is adopted and we treasure him so...
write..
-
I know how you feel. Ive done it four times now, and it never got easier. I think I learned how to perform better, to make it not as guilt ridden a parting for the child, but I have never learned to make it hurt less or be less worrisome for me. I too have one born 1990. He was my fourth to leave for college. He is estatic, in his element and loving it. I am still missing him busting into the living room and Pop Locking across the floor on the way to the bathroom. Always my show off he's been drafted onto the college cheer team by his girlfriend. (She needed a lifter) He went to school less than 30 miles away, and my other two are in that school as well. My oldest is finished, married with a 9 month old and lives in that college town. We would have all been close enough to visit, but my husband was transfered 2200 miles away last year. I think I went into shock, I was nonfunctional until the last two to three months. I felt like I lost them all again only this time All at once. I function now,I still have two at home. I deal with the seperation but not happily. Mostly I work, and I write.
-
I reckon it's adult Emo! LOL
-
My kids are not that old. But I wonder if I can let go of them easily that day. Hope everything is going well for him now. Especially I liked the last three lines where joy and insecurity lie so close together.
-
awwww! I know this one, but it wasn't college, although definitely continuing education, and they return. We raise them to give them wings with the hope that they will soar, but watching the fledgling flight is hard on the heart. He's very fortunate to have such a bond with you. It doesn't sever with miles when there is such love.
~Karen
-
wow. i wonder if this is how my parents felt when i started college.
-
Touching...a poem that makes you think...a poem that makes me regret all the crap I've pulled when my mom was trying to so hard...
I love it.
Its tragic.
Its real.
-
This is sad
I know it is hard watching our baby's grow up and start to become independent and leave the nest to get their own setting in life hang in there.
Adding your comment:
1 - 13 of 13
