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Pin Oak

Haven't I grimaced
at those gray, arthritic limbs,
(twisted, wretched,
too spent in self-indulgence
to offer a single bud
at spring's ripe altar),

disdained how they spindled
among their gangly brothers
who clung in haughty, skyward resolution
to every jagged leaf,
long shriveled
...as if in clutching tighter
 you might gloat in the nakedness
of a nearby maple,
taunt the winter holly,
or share its berried glory?

 

And yet,

here,

now,
when all my world is ice-laden,
a realm of trees moans in chorus
like the leaking dirge of disheveled graveyards;
the bough of ash just above my head
creaks its own eminent misery; the shrill snap of branches,
seen and unseen,
start
like earth-trapped lightning;

and I stand hushed,
bemused
at how regally you wear your frozen robe,
permitting unaffected moonlight
to glisten along each lofty limb's length,
to sparkle, soft, upon every tender twig;
my eyes fall
when you dance a king's dance
within the heavy winds,
allowing not one limb to sweep the ground,

 

and I understand

in full

I have played
the jester.




In a list

A contest entry

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Comments

1 - 43 of 43

  • michael thomas
    6 hours ago
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    We come to winter like an oak
    soaked in ages acid winds
    stripped to essential misery

    Time tears the tangled
    branched wasted trunk
    of our tenders
    where the slivered
    fingers of age
    feel not



  • shattered.heroine
    November 23
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    This was most deserving of the gold trophy!! I thoroughly loved it, and am most def glad I read it!! The beginning grabbed my attention and drew me in.


  • Ryno
    November 14
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    Edit | Reply
    This was sincerely stunning. Your imagery, metaphor...and the specifics of the metaphor, made this such an easy and powerful read. Extremely well written, ten. I adore ye.


  • Mr. Kodak
    November 4

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    very well written with words of imagery it really painted the picture behind the words you wrote. keep up the good work.... and i plan on reading more of your works


  • Rose Angel gold member
    November 2

    Edit | Reply
    Awesome write....This read out loud to an audience of listeners as well as my read tonight gave majesty to this tree.....My first read of yours I believe, and I am impressed! Bravo!...Bookmarked!

  • Michael P gold member
    October 24

    Edit | Reply
    Hey Ten-you know when I say this I dont say it lightly---a masterpiece--The Jester-- an unexpected turn at the end ...simply excellent...peace


  • savemysoul
    October 8
    Edit | Reply
    this poem is outstanding. it's different then most the poems im into yet i still enjoyed it.


  • CarolDesjarlais silver member
    October 6

    Edit | Reply
    Absolutely stunnign writing. How beautiful the court of Fall.
    "and I stand hushed,
    bemused
    at how regally you wear your frozen robe,"

    and how hushed I am at how regally you, my friend, write of such!

  • A truly wonderful piece.It's simply perfect,that's why I'm bookmarking this.


  • DogFish silver member
    September 20

    Edit | Reply
    What sober,mature writing... it is stark and matter-of-fact but still so beautiful and filled with music!


  • Max Alexandersson
    September 15

    Edit | Reply
    Let's play that: Beau-beau-beau-ti-ti-ti-fuuuuuuul;-)....


  • pepping wolf
    August 23

    Edit | Reply

    hi

    hi my name is anna thornotn-smith this poem is really sooo good I would like you to make more up
    I liked the part
    and yet
    here,

    now,
    when all my world is ice-laden,
    a realm of trees moans in chorus
    like the leaking dirge of disheveled graveyards;
    the bough of ash just above my head
    Soo keep up the great work
    Anna

  • Hi Ten, I see you made the amendment I suggested. Glad it helped to have a second opinion, though I know it was one of those tricky situations Only saw one (very minor) thing to point out this time - "and i stand hushed," (the "i" isn't a capital).

    This is such a stunning and atmospheric piece, I must say once again! Am going to read some more


  • ajocean silver member
    June 28
    Edit | Reply
    amazing

  • good job

  • Cool Poem

  • Okay, the opening stanza drew me through the door to your poetic world and locked it shut behind me! I had no choice but to explore
    After all, it's only natural a reader finds himself entranced by images in lines such as:
    "too spent in self-indulgence
    to offer a single bud
    at spring's ripe altar),"

    I love how you work first with your disdain and later come to realise you have been wrong in dismissing the beauty and majesty within all you have observed. The way the kingly oak has made of you his court jester ... a wonderful way to close the poem. How many times after all, does acting on a first impression betray our better judgement and leave us wishing we had been more open-minded to something or someone in life?

    "a realm of trees moan in chorus" ... because you're presenting the trees as a "realm" which is a singular construct, "moan" should be "moans" (it is the realm of trees ... the collective, not a number of trees individually, hence they are effectively singing with one unified voice). Alternatively drop the realm aspect, and just state "the trees moan" etc. Or, alternatively, you could use "moaning", which works fine either way. Hope that makes sense? Despite the above point, however, this area of the poem woke me from other thoughts, with the wonderfully melancholic: "a realm of trees moan in chorus/like the leaking dirge of disheveled graveyards;".

    I am doubtless as to how and why this poem struck gold in contest-earth ... a wonderful piece of work indeed!

  • Wow congrats on the gold, you know this writing looks professional, I love it, this is just something that I can admire and adore from this little corner of the earth.
    Loved it.

    *hug

  • I thought i read this one of yours, you have one like this one that is my absolute fav, but this one is very good also.Love the images you have weaved within.Congradulations on the Gold.
    Be blessed in all you do.

    Tony


  • Mirthryl
    April 30

    Edit | Reply
    Lovely contrasts in perception, from disdain to "hushed, bemused at regal...king's dance within the heavy winds."
    Outstanding personification, "gray, arthritic limbs," "too spent in self-indulgence to offer a single bud at spring's ripe altar," and "...as if in clutching tighter you might gloat in the nakedness of a nearby maple."
    Excellent sensory "creaks...shrill snap of branches...like earth-trapped lightning".
    Touch of regret in the concluding stanza. An excellent write, a pleasure to read!


  • poet2angels gold member
    April 23

    Edit | Reply
    I love this one!
    Such expression in metaphor and imagery of the beauty of nature in all it's splendor..

    I see why this won gold...Just so lovely

    Lynda


  • Denerica
    April 18
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    Excellent write, the description of so many images is exillurating. Blessings.

  • kdom
    March 27
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    Wonderful! I really like how you described the winter ice - "how regally you wear your frozen robe....when you dance a king's dance within the heavy winds,allowing not one limb to sweep the ground". (I had a pin oak in my front yard growing up, you described it so beautifully.)

  • HIya ten, very nice piece wonderfully penned


  • DogFish silver member
    February 20
    Edit | Reply
    just lovely

  • Michael P gold member
    February 19
    Edit | Reply
    brilliant absolutely brilliant! You have captured a moment in time and given it infinty.


  • venomoustoad
    February 19
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    superb!

    Your imagery drew me into the poem. I was there. My favorite poems are like this one;a picture painted with words.I have lived all my life in a predominantly winter climate and I have learned grudgingly to love the wind and revere the trees .They have taught me perseverance.This poem expressed those feelings for me. Well done.


  • csmmoms2
    February 18

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    The oldest tree on the planet is called the dwarf pine.
    It sits at about 5,000 feet. I wonder what this tree would have thought about your lovely poem? -c


  • liltulip gold member
    February 18
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    wonderful

    congrats on the gold!!!


  • just mercedes gold member
    February 18

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    Masterful writing - you directed my response, then performed an emotional volte - so very well done! Congratulations on the gold trophy.


  • campanaro silver member
    February 18

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    Breathtaking poem

    All that can come from me is,
    Truly lovely..
    truly amazing.
    Pleasure to read this-
    THANK YOU
    Love peace
    campanaro


  • Azgar
    February 18
    Edit | Reply


  • A. Rose
    February 18
    Edit | Reply
    Interesting. I really liked the style.


  • Swangrnv gold member
    February 18

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    WOW

    What a mesmerizing piece you've penned!! I'm still feeling alittle lightheaded! wow amazing imagery throughout and the ending? ..bang..that's what it felt like.


  • spiral nocturne
    February 18
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    truly lovely and rich images


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    February 17
    Edit | Reply
    Yes hun truly spectaular and so very deserving of gold! Congratulations
    Gaylene


  • Everwind Rising
    February 17

    Edit | Reply
    Beautifully written. The imagery is spectacular. You move with ease and grace from "dishevelled graveyards" to "earth-trapped lightning" to "frozen robe" and "unaffected moonlight". This poem is a feast for the senses.

    During the recent ice storm I was noticing how different the trees looked when covered in ice. You captured that difference and amplified it in gorgeous words, images, and phrasing.

    Your use of laguage sound is superb. Assonance, consonance, alliteration is brilliantly used throughout this piece. One of my favorites is:

    "the shrill snap of branches,"

    It almost hurts to read that phrase like my fingers will break or something.

    And image of the "king's dance" is inspired. How you imbue the tree with life and nobility with those two words.

    The final stanza wraps it all up so nicely, so profoundly.

    I'm struggling here to find room for improvement in this masterfully written piece.

    Maybe the 5th line of the 5th stanza could be improved a bit. There is a 3-word alliteration "lofty limb's length". This might just be a slight bit over the top since the use of illeteration is only in one other line and that is a very subtle 2-word alliteration.

    The only other thing that distracted me a bit was the last line of the 2nd stanza "...as if!" That sounds to me like a slang way of talking and as such it sticks out akwardly in the midst of such deep beauty and exquisite imagery and language sound.

  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    February 15
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    Well there goes my entry girl! How do you write such emotional ane stunning pieces. I will keep saying it...your talent is just exceptional, so deep and thought provoking!
    gaylene


  • kaibab silver member
    February 12

    Edit | Reply
    Who are we but eyes in Nature...to see the strength in knarly fingers writing wave of icy understanding...lovely work and soon the pruning shall be over...and Ky will be running for the roses

  • tara wilson gold member
    February 11

    Edit | Reply
    jeesh, i was going along all wonderful in the imagery and then bang, the ending just turned it all around -- excellent change of mood & usage of poetic device


  • BehindTheShadow
    February 11
    Edit | Reply
    Wow! Great write!


  • AliceinPoetryLand gold member
    February 11
    Edit | Reply
    Damn now I have no nope You'll knock us dead with your entry s

1 - 43 of 43