Perhaps you think me a brave man,
No, I am not brave, yet foolish.
I was half in the bag, that night
Whiskey stench arose around me
My hands could not be still, so shook
As the lantern trembled in hand.
I descended into the crypt
Niter and moss clung to the walls,
As I alone stepped deeper down
Down into the dark vault, to doom.
Now as I came to the level,
Where the only sounds I could hear
Were the sounds of my heart and then,
The squealing mob of rats, the rats!
I shudder at the thought of them
As they swarmed toward the lantern,
The light, drew them closer to me.
I then noticed that the moss here
Was crumbling to my touch, flaking
Like spores of dying mould, to dust.
As I noted, the walls here were
Coated with a rich niter, niter...
The last chamber is where I found
What I had come to find, as now
It has found me, in the shadows
By the walls, a low and hideous
Laugh, rich, unnerving my weak nerves.
The laughter reverberated
Before the opened lead coffin,
And I there with my lantern stood
As the rats swarmed ever nearer,
I screamed, I swooned, and here I wake
His waxen face bore a weight here
On my heart, that no man shall go
Evermore down to that dark vault,
No man shall go, for he is death.
Let me know How this makes you feel, what do you think?
Comments
1 - 6 of 6
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A well written poem. Full of great imagery that sets the scene well in the readers mind. Full of darkness and dread. You build up the tension well and the sense of foreboding is well played. I did feel the ending didn't have the impact i was waiting for. However a good write. Thankyou for sharing.
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I agree with pastiche's assessments. Especially the part about staring into the eyes of what lies beyond this life. This lays ground work in intent at the story poem onset. Decries well it's fears and emotions. Finalized by leaving to a readers imagination it's intentional outcome. Nicely composed!
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Very Nice
Excellent diction and imagery.
As a minimalist, I cannot help but feel it would be better shorter with just the distilled power of the story. JMHO of course
Well done!
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Wow! Impressive. I could feel the rats crawling and visualized I was there. Great imagery.
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Does exactly what it sets out to do with the ominous title: sends shiver after shiver down the spine. The approaching rats are masterfully woven in.
On the one hand - and this is purely a personal reaction (feel free to ignore lol) - I found the end slightly confusing. On the other hand, just like death, it left me wondering....
A pleasure to read and to ponder - the very best kind of poetry. Thanks for guiding me here...
p
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Ah, marvelous here, rolling the bones of Poe and Lovecraft in a wonderful poem flush with doom....doom I say!!!
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