The last thing I remember,
from this true endeavor,
was just how much I loved him.
He was everything and more,
an angel with beautiful wings,
and a guardian through the broken pieces.
But, alas,
the world has many tricks up its sleeves,
and I fell the fool,
to a cruel lie,
over a shot of tequila,
and a whiskey rhyme.
Like this really,
I confided my deepest secrets,
to a complete stranger,
when my heart was open,
and my hands full of liquor,
and he betrayed me,
for another hopeless boy,
who could please him unlike me.
So bartender please,
just keep 'um comin',
I'll drown my sorrows till the bottle's air,
and then go fuck the pain away.
You're a good friend to me,
you just keep giving,
and never take,
unlike some people,
who prefer to have everything.
A contest entry
- What does it take to get a drink in this place? by Slinky-milinky.
2700 points, ended February 25, 2009, 17 entries
• next poem in this contest, remove from contest
love the darkness, breathe the cataclysmic self indulgence
Comments
-
Raw and rather despairing, with the description of the bar itself implied. Good internal conversational flow. Well-done!
-
WOW... I hatethose the worse and believe me I have seen em' all!
The type that enter as a predator lookin for the next vulnerable heart to play with till boredom urges them to the next fresh face.
Awesome imagery!
-
we all love a good self-indulgent drunken ramble! I liked the breaking of the fourth wall and also the reminiscent storyline
“Like this really,
I confided my deepest secrets,
to a complete stranger,
when my heart was open,
and my hands full of liquor,
and he betrayed me,
for another hopeless boy,
who could please him unlike me.”
I loved this stanza, and thought this summed up the conversational and wallowing tone of the poem, nice and dark without being obvious. Great job, thanks for entering!
-
-
thank you for a real comment. i appreciate that.
-
Adding your comment:
